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She was our girlfriend, but she wasn’t what we needed. I didn’t realize that until you showed up,” Creed said.
“You slid into our lives like you were always meant to be there,” Colt said.
“So when I say I don’t know how this works…it’s because you’re not just what we need, but what Keelan and Knox need, too.”
“You aren’t allowed to be in denial like Knox. We see how you look at them. The only reason I’m not turning into a possessive caveman is because you look at us the same way.”
“When something is appealing to the eye, people are more inclined to eat it,” I explained. “I couldn’t agree more, gorgeous,” Micah said, taking a sip of his beer with a sly grin. Knox shot Micah a look, the corner of his mouth tugged upward. Did he…he wasn’t talking about food. “I swear, you Stone boys really love to make things dirty.”
“I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”
“I can’t believe you’ve got Knox fooled. He’s pretty good at sniffing out bullshit. I guess jailbait pussy can make even a man like Knox overlook shit.”
Knox’s signature frown surfaced as he looked back at her. “Maybe she’s putting on a bullshit act?” I watched the blood drain from Stephanie’s face. “Not that it matters to me,” he said, his tone turning cold. “Apparently all I care about is what’s between her legs.” Panic filled her wide eyes. “Knox—” “Don’t bother,” he snapped at her. “I heard everything.” “I—” she started to say. “You should leave,” he cut her off again.
“I have medicine in my bathroom. You should have stayed put,” he snapped. I turned to face him fully. “Are you mad at me for not being psychic?” Keelan chose that moment to come inside from the backyard. He looked from me to Knox, reading the tension, and wisely stayed quiet. Knox ignored Keelan and glared down at me. “No. I’m mad about what just happened. How long has that been going on?” I sighed and walked away into the kitchen. “Shiloh?” Knox pushed, following me. “How long has Stephanie been treating you like that?” “Stephanie?” Keelan said. “We’ll talk about it later,” Knox said to him.
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“IT. Shayla was terrified of clowns. So because my beautiful, brave, and tough-as-nails sister couldn’t handle watching it and I could, it gave me this twisted joy.”
That night I slept a broken three hours and barely an hour the next night. Every time I dozed off, I was back in that house, watching my family die. I felt like I was stuck in a nonstop cycle of fear, pain, and blood. What upset me the most was that I was too exhausted to run.
“Running, smoking, drinking—everything you do to escape is all temporary. Eventually, they won’t be enough to block out what you’re refusing to deal with.”
His brow scrunched up as he let go of my hair. “I see you fading away, baby girl. You’re going fast and it’s scaring the shit out of me.”
“I’m not going to fall for that again.” I smiled a little. “I’m not trying to escape.” “Yes, you are.” He brushed his thumb across my bottom lip. “You’re kissing me to drown out your demons.” “No. I—” “I know what it’s like to use someone as a distraction,” he cut me off. “I don’t want to be a distraction to you. I want you to kiss me because you want to kiss me.” “I do want to kiss you.”
“I’ve been where you are—I’ve been you in this situation—and I wish the other person stopped me.” My eyes never leaving his, I asked, “What?” “If I kiss you right now, you’ll soon find out that kissing isn’t enough to tune out the world. The next stop is sex, and you’ll discover, for a short time, how good it’ll make you feel. To someone who feels like their life is falling apart, that’s appealing. But it’s just fucking. There’s no intimacy to it. Just two bodies riding each other until they reach the finish line.”
“When we came in this morning, I found her letter of resignation on my desk,” Knox said. That felt a little anticlimactic. “Good riddance.” Keelan snorted. “I thought you said if you didn’t have anything nice to say, you wouldn’t say anything at all?” Knox stared at Keelan with a pensive expression. “When has she ever done that?” “That rule doesn’t apply to you,” I grumbled, making Keelan laugh and Knox roll his eyes. “And that was the least mean thing I could say about her.” “Someone’s a little grumpy,” Keelan teased. “She hasn’t slept in almost a week, what did you expect?” Knox snapped.
“Are you that much in denial or do you think I’m stupid?” he snapped, his voice taking an angry tone he’d used with others but never with me.
I turned to face him. “I don’t want to fight with you—” “I’m not trying to fight with you!” he bellowed, cutting me off. “I want you to fucking talk to me. You haven’t let Creed and I sleep over in almost a week. You’ve been pushing us away and lying every time we try to get you to talk to us. You. Are. Not. Fine. Stop telling us that. We can all see that you’re not and that something is wrong.” I was so taken aback, I was at a loss for words.
“You’re not being fair. You’re making us watch you suffer and you won’t let us help you. How would you feel...
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I deserved Colt’s anger. I deserved Creed’s frustration. I was a coward.
I dropped my backpack and my feet moved before I thought to move them. I stormed past Creed, my fist clenching at my side. “Shi,” Creed said as if to stop me, but it was too late. As I approached them, I cocked my arm back. Amber barely had time to notice me before my fist connected with her cheek. She shrieked as she fell against the lockers and slid to the floor. Arms wrapped around me from behind and dragged me away. My legs gave out and whoever had me had to bear my weight. I numbly watched as people swarmed around Amber, who was cupping her cheek and crying on the floor. What did I just
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“I deserve to be punished.” His eyes narrowed as he studied me for a moment. “Is there something going on with you I should know about? I know you lost your family and that would be extremely hard on anyone, especially someone as young as you.” “No,” I answered curtly.
“Nothing can get to you while I’m holding you. No one can hurt you.”
“My mother used to run her fingers through my hair,” I said sleepily. She’d done it to calm me and it had always worked, just like it was working now. I thought I heard him say, “I know,” just before I tumbled off the edge and fell into a dark pit of sleep.
“That’s the thing. You aren’t dealing with anything.”
“You’re spiraling, Shiloh. If you don’t fucking admit it and let us help you, we’re done,” Knox said. His threat almost knocked me off my feet.
“I will not sit back and watch you hurt my brothers because you refuse to help yourself.” I stumbled back a step. His words really did feel like physical blows to my soul.
I ran to my bedroom and ripped open my closet. I crawled all the way to the back corner, under a section of hanging clothes. I brought my knees to my chest and I gave up.
“If you give up, he wins. We can’t let him win. You are strong enough to withstand this.” “I don’t think I am.”
“You will fall. You will fall many times. Sometimes the fall will hurt more than you ever thought possible and you will feel like you don’t want to get back up. Like right now, for example. But you will, and when you do, you will be stronger.”
“The sound was a constant reminder that my mother was going to die and my world was falling apart.”
“He saved me from myself,” he answered.
“If you’re aware that what you’re doing is wrong, why do you continue to do it to yourself? Why haven’t you tried to work on getting better?” There wasn’t judgment in his question. Just the need to understand. My forehead scrunched up. “Because I’m scared.”
“I don’t want to talk about what happened. I don’t want to remember how he hurt me and how he killed them.”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but that night is catching up with you in your dreams. I told you before that we all have to face our pain. Maybe your subconscious is telling you it’s time whether you want to talk about that night or not. So you gotta ask yourself…would talking about it and trying to work through what you went through make things any worse than they already are?” I shook my head. “I’m not brave enough to do it.”
“Look at me,” he said, putting his hand under my chin. I met his brown eyes. “You’re brave enough. You were brave enough to sleep today.” “I was only brave enough because you were holding me.” His hands cupped my cheeks. “Then I’ll hold you. We’ll all hold you, Shiloh. I said we would help you, but you have to want to help yourself.”
“I need to go back to therapy.” He went still. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Colt got to me first. His hands wrapped around the back of my neck and he slammed his lips on mine. “You’re not allowed to do that again,” he said, pulling away.
“Just don’t shut us out. You are not alone anymore. You suffer, we suffer.”
“She’ll want her Batman pajamas. They’re her favorite,” Creed told Keelan before he could get too far. “She loves to wear dresses and she has a pile of new hair tie things on her dresser. You’ll need to pack all of them because she loses them left and right. I swear I found, like, six of them in my truck yesterday.” Colt snorted. “She keeps a stash of them in my locker and I’ve lost count of how many I’ve found in my car.”
“I get that this is what’s best for her, but tomorrow, I want you to tell me what you said or did to help her sleep,” I heard Creed say from the hall in a low voice.
“Don’t lead her on only to pull away because you think it’s for the best.” “I won’t,” Knox said. “I’m serious, Knox,” Creed said, not bothering to be quiet anymore.
“Do you like touching my cock, Shiloh?”
“I haven’t stopped thinking about your pretty little pussy.”
“I haven’t stopped thinking about the way you looked at me,” I said. “You wanted me, and I wanted you to have me right there on that counter.”
“I know I hit rock bottom yesterday and I’m mortified that you all had to see that, but that doesn’t mean you all have to walk on eggshells around
“And you don’t get to decide what’s best for me without talking to me first, because at the end of the day, I know what I’m ready for or what I can handle. Not any of you.”
“So none of you talked about halting all intimacy with me because the four of you assumed I can’t handle it right now?” I asked.
“Then why don’t you include me when it involves me?” I asked.
“I’m not someone who needs to be managed or told how things are going to be because the four of you think you know best. If that’s what you expect, I can’t do this,” I said and moved to leave.
