How to Stop Time

by Matt Haig

But as you get older, Anton, you realise that you never get away with things. The human mind has its own. . . prisons.

It’s not that long ago, not really. History is right here, Anton. It’s breathing down our necks.’

Rose cursed my hot-headedness, even as she fired back her own in my direction. It was our first argument. I remember the fury more than the words.

Beer lasts for ever. All the hops, they say, causes its immortality. Ale is a more worthy lesson on life. You wait too long, and you will be saying farewell before you say good day.

What use is a talent that pains you?

‘You possess a young face and a wise tongue. People hate that. They know it could fool them.’

I worried. I, more than most, was an actor in life. I was playing a part. What would my next role be, and when would I have to take it? How would I be able to leave this one behind, and when it would mean leaving Rose?

Gossip lived. It wasn’t just a currency, it had a life.

I have only been alive for four hundred and thirty-nine years, which is of course nowhere near long enough to understand the minimal facial expressions of the average teenage boy.

‘What we are and what we mean are different things.

‘It is a great ally in the war.’ ‘Which war is that?’ I wondered aloud. ‘The war against boredom. It is a very real war. It is a war in which the enemy is all around us.’ I ordered the Bloody Mary.

‘What are you scared of?’ Scott smiled apologetically. ‘It’s her drunk question. Every time.’ ‘Scared of?’ ‘Everyone is scared of something.

‘If only we could find a way to stop time,’ said her husband. ‘That’s what we need to work on. You know, for when a moment of happiness floats along. We could swing our net and catch it like a butterfly, and have that moment for ever.’