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“Where are you going?”
“Away,”
I’m supposed to be in room fifty-two-twelve, but there’s currently a naked woman handcuffed to my bed—”
You’re not a pro hockey player until a crazy naked girl breaks into your hotel room.”
Are Boston’s star forward Garrett Graham and breakout star John Logan HOOKING UP???!!
SABRINA: I think the more important question is—what are Hannah and Grace gonna do now that we know their boyfriends are secretly banging in elevators?
HANNAH: I feel so betrayed.
ME: For real. They’ve been sleeping together this whole time and haven’t even let us watch??!?
HANNAH: !!!
SABRINA: !!?!!
ALLIE: !!!??
“I just don’t get it. We were all roommates in college. I never even suspected you two were boning!”
“I always had a feeling. They kept trying so hard to act like they were platonic.”
“Hey dipshit, at least I wasn’t sneaking around taking baths with pink dildos.”
Making her feel good is the best feeling in the world.
“So. Just out of curiosity…”
“Do you do weddings?”
I don’t even know where to start.”
“Clearly,”
“By the way, the answer is no. Go ahead and c...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
“Look into my eyes,”
Also, if she’s dying, I’m dying right along with her. I can’t live without her.”
“Should we get outta here soon, Mrs. Logan?”
“You’re never going to get tired of saying that, are you?”
“Never.”
“I’m sorry—but…WHAT?”
“You guys got married?”
“You got married four months ago and didn’t tell anyone?”
“So you two just…eloped?”
“It’ll stay between us—”
“—and whoever’s throwing up in there,”
“It’s noon,”
“I need the liquid courage.”
“Aw man, no. Is that it? Today’s the day?”
“What day?”
“You’re gonna ask for my blessing. Aw hell. Just get it over with and ask, then. You really need to drag out the torture and make both of us uncomfortable? I’d rather be waterboarded. Goddamn it. We both know I’m going to say yes, okay? So do it already.”
“So I’ve got your blessing?”
“Couldn’t find anything bigger?”
“What did you do?”
“Why do you assume it’s my fault?”
“Nice dick,”
“Any reason why you’re showing it to my girlfriend?”
“Wait, let me get my shoe,”
“Why is it all the way over there?”
“Because she threw it at my head,”
“I want to watch the Avengers, goddammit.”
okay, valid crashout
“I’m good no matter what you decide.”
“I can pitch in and do more around the house.
Whatever you decide, we’ll make it work.”
“You’re trying to shut me up with cookies?
