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July 21 - October 6, 2022
What makes each of these conversations crucial—and not simply frustrating, frightening, or annoying—is that the outcome could have a huge impact on either relationships or results that affect you greatly.
In each of these examples, the determining factor between success and failure is the amount of time that passes between when the problem emerges and when those involved find a way to honestly and respectfully resolve it.
At the heart of almost all chronic problems in relationships, teams, organizations, and even nations are Crucial Conversations people either don’t hold or don’t hold well.
You can measure the health of relationships, teams, and organizations by measuring the lag time between when problems are identified and when they are resolved.
When we face Crucial Conversations, we have three broad options: • We can avoid them. • We can face them and handle them poorly. • We can face them and handle them well.
When it comes to Crucial Conversations, you have only two choices: 1. Talk it out. 2. Act it out.
If you fail to discuss issues you have with your boss, your life partner, your neighbor, or your peer, will those issues magically disappear? No. Instead, they will become the lens you see the other person through. And how you see always shows up in how you act. Your resentment will show up in how you treat the other person.
The sad irony of Crucial Conversations is that when it matters most, we tend to do our worst.
Our natural tendencies in moments that seem threatening lean toward fight or flight rather than listen and speak.
Sometimes in our doped-up, dumbed-down state, the strategies we choose for dealing with our Crucial Conversations are perfectly designed to keep us from what we actually want. We’re our own worst enemies.
“Are there a handful of moments when someone’s actions disproportionately affect key performance indicators?” And if so, what are those moments, and how should we act when they occur?
In the best companies, everyone holds everyone else accountable—regardless of level or position.
The path to high productivity passes not through a static system, but through face-to-face conversations.
they found that helping couples learn to hold Crucial Conversations more effectively reduced the chance of unhappiness or breakup by more than half!
When it matters the most (after all, these are your cherished loved ones), are you on your worst behavior? If so, you definitely have something to gain by learning more about how to handle Crucial Conversations.
make a choice between two bad alternatives: • Option 1. Speak up and turn the most powerful person in the company into their sworn enemy. • Option 2. Suffer in silence and make a bad decision that might ruin the company.
“How can I be 100 percent honest with Chris and at the same time be 100 percent respectful?”
skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open.
Each of us enters conversations with our own thoughts and feelings about the topic at hand. This unique combination makes up our personal pool of meaning.
The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy.
Conversely, when people aren’t involved, when they sit back during touchy conversations, they’re rarely committed to the final decision.
To quote Samuel Butler, “He that complies against his will is of his own opinion still.”
The time you spend up front establishing a shared pool of meaning is more than paid for by faster, more unified, and more committed action later on.
