Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

by Kerry Patterson

The first time something happens, it’s an incident. The second time it might be coincidence. The third time, it’s a pattern.

Relationship issues get to deeper concerns about trust, competence, or respect.

Learn the three signs you’re having the wrong conversation: 1. Your emotions escalate. 2. You walk away skeptical. 3. You’re in a déjà vu dialogue.

Unbundle. Unpack the various issues at play using CPR. Are they content, pattern, or relationship concerns or perhaps process?

Choose. Ask yourself: “What do I really want?” Use this as a filter to choose which topic is most relevant at the moment.

Simplify. Condense your concern into a single sentence so you can maintain focus once the conversation gets under way.

be both focused and flexible.

If you live by the compliment, you’ll die by the criticism.