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An incredulous shriek escaped her as she let go of the balaclava and shot to her feet. Shocked to learn who the dead man
Robert would somehow ruin it – he always did. It was unlikely to be tonight, but he would, and she’d be stupid enough to forgive him, as she always did. Elaine didn’t know if she truly loved him anymore.
Whenever she plummeted into an abyss of emptiness, Robert took the time to piece her back together. Sometimes he would see the warning signs and do his best to keep her from being consumed by her depression. Not that it always worked. On the flip side, he also fed her dark days with his philandering.
Elaine caught sight of Charlie in his blue coat, approaching a clown. Two helium-filled balloons floated above the clown’s head, one red, the other yellow. The clown offered the string attached to the yellow balloon to her son, who took the gift. A white-gloved hand then reached out for Charlie to take, which he did.
Then she saw it: in the sky above the visitor’s car park, a yellow balloon floating away, onwards and upwards, into the darkness. With Emily clutched in her arms, Elaine’s heart withered and her legs gave way. She slumped to her knees, hypnotised by the balloon. Call it a mother’s instinct, but somehow she just knew it was the one she’d seen her boy holding.
Elaine had thought about moving away from London before she and Robert divorced two years ago. Granted, it took her a while to decide, but relief embraced her when she finally made up her mind.
An attractive woman with a face that belied her age, the strain and suffering of the last five years were irrefutable. An extreme sadness cloaked her, recognisable only to people who’d been through a prolonged period of pain.
Each time Elaine thought she’d defeated her depression, it surreptitiously returned, stronger and more indomitable than ever. Over time, she came to the conclusion Dr Walker was right – it would never be conquered, only managed.
Life had been hard enough on her; losing her boy had weakened her defences further. She needed to regain control, to find new strength from within.
‘The loss of my eldest son, Charlie. Five years ago, he was abducted from a fairground. Teenagers found his body nine days later.’ A solitary tear escaped and rolled down the crease between her nose and cheek. ‘I’m so sorry to hear that, Elaine. May I ask how he died?’ ‘He was strangled.’
When she returned to fetch the grocery bags, a man was standing at the bottom of the drive by the gate. Too far away to make out a face, he
‘Are you also going to tell her how you fucked me at your house while she was passed out on happy pills upstairs? Oh, and let’s not forget to add that your children were asleep in their rooms.’ Robert raised his head to Chloé with a sorrowful expression as she continued. ‘What about that you wanted me to leave my husband so you could have me all to yourself. I did that for you, Robert. I did that just for you. Why haven’t you left her for me yet, huh?
she would never be able to help him. She wasn’t nearly strong enough. Robert had mentioned many times how Elaine had struggled for years. She’d always been far too weak, and he hated that about her – always had.
how could she simply dismiss his flimsy excuse of “One second he was there, and the next he wasn’t?” She knew her boy, and he wouldn’t have walked away from either of his parents. He knew better than that. Something else had to have happened.
Her husband had cheated on her, and though she’d loathed him for doing so, she’d almost come to accept it. As long as he helped build her up again, Elaine had conditioned herself to live with it.
Robert had used her wealth for his lavish lifestyle, and she had used his strength for support.
‘Your husband is secretive, and he is a liar. He thinks more about the woman he’s most likely pounding as we speak than his missing son. As for you, Mrs Davis, I see a darkness behind those eyes.’
‘And there it is, that darkness.’
for a while, she longed to remember much more than she could about her past.
She hated being on her own, but at times like these, she never was. He was here, the fiendish beast who’d haunted her throughout her life, lurking around some corner, waiting to pounce, ready to wreak havoc upon her.
One thing he had going for him was getting on the right side of people when he wanted something. A necessity in his line of work to make people think of him more as a friend than a journalist.
‘I think it was wrong, the father leaving his boy alone like that.’ ‘What do you mean?’ Lenny was curious. ‘Well, I just think it was irresponsible to leave his ten-year-old son alone and disappear for a while.’
For as long as she could remember, everything had been a battle for her. There were times when every single decision was torture – simple choices, like getting out of bed and choosing between tea or coffee. It became so severe that sometimes she didn’t want to leave the house at all.
Her depression, her illness, and it cut deeper than any knife.
She thought back to the first time she’d ever noticed the sky with a deep sense of reverence. Those summer evenings sat on the porch with her . . . a blank space in her memory. Who was it she used to sit next to? Her mother a few times, but there was someone else – Lila perhaps?
Going back over my highlights after reading most of the book, and now I realize she was vaguely recalling Liam here.
that not once during the evening had she seen him drinking or smoking. Nor had he been in the company of anyone else.
‘They were arguing in the kitchen about something or other, and Ashton pushed her through a glass door.’ ‘Oh, my God.’ Elaine was shocked Nicole could be so blasé about something so serious, which suggested either it was an accident or violence was a regular occurrence in their relationship.
Her eyes were drawn to the towering tumbledown barn further behind the house. The glow of the moon highlighted how battered and decrepit it looked, with its roof partially collapsed and many gaps between the boards. Her alcohol-induced reminiscing faded as she shuddered with dread. A disconcerting chill crept up her spine from the small of her back, easing its way to the top of her neck.
With her mug in one hand, she reached across the table to grab her mother’s glass. Why hadn’t she taken her water to bed with her? And she’d hardly touched it.
Something didn't sit right with me when I first read this scene because it seemed like it was eluding to her mother being a hallucination from the start.
For a while now, she’d been of the opinion he was a bit of a show-off. His confidence drew her to him early on, but over the years, she’d watched it turn to arrogance.
‘Don’t spend any more tears on that man, Elaine. All he ever did was cheat on you and when you needed him most, he walked out and left you.’ Her mother was right. Elaine wiped away a lone tear from the corner of her eye, and in a nanosecond, her manner shifted from sad and fragile to an unwavering, almost angry disposition.
’ Sobbing, he said, ‘We had three children, not one, and they need their mum.’
in one swift move, the shadowy figure scurried into the house and shut her out.
He shone the torch over an empty baked bean can next to a couple of blankets and other discarded food packaging. Reaching down, he picked up a plastic milk carton with barely a drop left inside. It was still in date.
‘What about before? You made it sound like there was something before with your father’s case?’ ‘Leave it, James. Let it go.’ Sergeant Burgess closed up, his eyes glistening. He gazed out of the window into the darkness. PC James had never seen his sergeant like this. He hadn’t known him for too long; however, he knew when to keep quiet. Several seconds later, Tom mumbled, ‘I’m just astounded she came back here, to this place – to that house.’
You
he added how her personality had changed at the mention of previous therapy and how dismissive she’d become when asked about her childhood. Taking everything into account, he knew engaging with her would be tricky. It wasn’t easy to help those who knew they needed help, but their subconscious wouldn’t allow them to accept it.
A figure in black and white approached. Her eyes demanded to close. She fought back, straining to keep them open. Sapped of energy, she fell to the ground.
An angry, coarse voice snarled, ‘You should never have come back here, Elaine.’
He pulled the mask from his face to reveal his identity. Confounded, Elaine stared into the face of her father. Waking abruptly, she shot upright in sweaty disarray. This was a first for her. Until now, her father had never featured in any of her dreams.
Tom charged from the darkened doorway, a little worse for wear. He doubled over, and she couldn’t tell if he was struggling to catch his breath or being sick.
A subdued silence lingered as they gazed at each other, both aware of something other than the current circumstances between them.

