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I want to explore the world and do whatever the hell I want, be whoever the fuck I want.
I know the pain, the horror in these words.
“That was hot as hell,” he says to me before looking at Faye. “Are you okay? Want to hang with me and my friends? I promise they won’t touch you.” Fuck, never mind riding, I’m going to suck his dick if he carries on.
Asher sighs and starts an argument on why he shouldn’t objectify women.
For a moment, I’m somewhere else. I’m someone else. I’m not broken. I’m not angry. I’m not alone. I just am.
Blood in. Blood out. Crew for life.
“You didn’t have to be so mean.” Asher sighs.
My worth is not dependent on others’ opinions of me. I know what I’ve survived, I know what I’m capable of, and I know how smart, talented, and fun I am.
I’m better that way. Alone, no one can ever hurt, betray, or ruin me.
“Tone,” I remind her. “I don’t take kindly to those insulting family.”
We’ve just claimed Blair as ours to protect, and we protect ferociously and permanently.
It’s something Crew doesn’t do, but we just claimed her in front of Meredith. That means something to me. It means this might have started as some fun or even a game, but now, Blair is our responsibility. She’s hurting, so despite the fact I would never usually give a fuck, I swing the door open and step inside, shutting it behind me.
Maybe that’s why I’m here in her bed, because I know what it means to need someone but to be completely alone. To lie in bed at night with tears in your eyes and pain in your heart, needing to scream, to rage, and let it out, but instead, you just lie there completely still, as if you do, it will all disappear.
You get so used to pushing people away, to lying to protect yourself and others, that it becomes second nature because usually when people ask if you’re okay, they really don’t want the truth.
“One day, you’ll figure out you can’t do this alone. You might hate us and push us away, but we’re all you have right now. This might have started out as a joke, stepsister, but you aren’t going anywhere, and neither are we.” I slip from the bed, leaving her to her thoughts and demons, but before I can take a step, her small voice fills the air.
This is about so much more than sex.
Get ready, Blair, because before this month is through, you’ll be ours. You just don’t know it yet.
What Crew owns, they protect. I’ll look after this broken little heart of hers and never let anyone close to it again. It’s a promise.
Some fucking flowers triggered me, how fucking pathetic is that? Fuck!
“You always talk about not needing someone, Blair, or anyone, but love and friendship aren’t about need. The guards you put up against the world stop the hurt, that’s true, but they also stop the good from getting in. You’re so scared of being let down, of being used and hurt and tossed aside, that you built these walls around yourself. It stops anything from penetrating your heart, but it also stops you from seeing what’s right in front of you.”
“Not when I see you destroying yourself and everything that could be. Being a friend doesn’t mean blind adoration, it means calling you on your shit when you need it. It means trying to help and support you when you need it, but it also means knowing when to leave you when you need to be broken so you can heal better than you did last time.
I gave her every part of me I could, but it’s not enough. I’m never enough.
Faye has done nothing but be there for me. I never made it easy for her, yet she never gave up on me, but did I on her? Did I let my past stop me from seeing what’s right in front of me?
It’s time I faced the truth. It’s time I forgave myself. It’s time I gave myself a chance.
It’s more than skin deep beauty, it’s her heart. It’s so pure, so strong. She makes me smile and laugh, and better yet, she can handle my brothers.
I hate her mother for putting that pain there, but in pain there is such splendour, and that’s what I draw now so she can see the strength I saw in her last night as she walked away. It’s not the first drawing or even the tenth. I’ve drawn her every day since I first saw her. I’ve been unable to paint or sketch anything else, everything turns into her.
A moment later, I feel something cold at my hip, a blade, and then my underwear is cut from me, leaving me bare and wet.
There are bad people in this world and a lot of fucked up shit happens, but I cannot be responsible for others’ actions. All I need to worry about are my own.
Sometimes it’s nice to not have to be… you.
“You want to come, baby girl? You want to fuck? Then fine, but it will only be with one of us.”
Sometimes I sink into that darkness when I don’t mean to, and everything becomes overwhelming, but a bit of time and perspective can help a lot. Not to mention having people to lean on.
was right too. I’m guarding myself so I don’t get hurt, but I can’t walk through life like that. If I’m constantly blocking myself from pain, I block out the love and good stuff too.
You can love someone and not be in love with them, if that makes sense.
Home. It’s finally a home, not a house.
Blair is complicated, but I’ll spend years if I must to peel back every layer of paint because she is something special. She is easily becoming part of this family and wedging herself into my once broken heart. I don’t think I could survive another woman leaving me, giving up on me, but I’m willing to risk it. For her.
“Nobody is, not really. We’re all just trying to do the best we can, and that’s all you can do. So try, Blair. You clearly care for her and miss her, just be honest with her.” I shrug. “That’s what I would want.”
and the fact that they are angry over consent and him cornering Faye seriously has me turned on in a fucked up way.
“So what if she fucking is?” I snap, but she flinches, so I soften my voice. “Never be ashamed to be different. You are who you are meant to be, and you are magnificent. This world would be a boring place if we were all the same. So embrace it, be who you are meant to be, who you want to be, you amazing weirdo, and don’t you ever let anyone make you feel like you’re less just because you don’t fit the mould. You inspire me, Faye. You are kind and caring. The world needs more people like you. You’re bold, unafraid, passionate, and kind. What they think are flaws are what makes you uniquely
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There are billions of people in this world, but there is only one you. Never question yourself again because of someone else’s opinion.
I have nightmares about what happened almost every night, and that’s when I can sleep. I often don’t because I’m scared of it, scared of the darkness, of the screams and pain.”
“We’ve never had anyone protect us, claim us, or threaten people for us before. It’s always the other way around. It was nice. You’re changing our lives, Blair, for the better.”
I don’t know what he means by sorting it, but it feels good to trust someone else, to lean on them and ask for help. I’m not alone, and I’m beginning to realise how incredible that is.
I don’t want to have to cut him off, but if he hurts Blair, I will. I would do anything for her.
I lean down and spit right into her mouth. She whimpers as I tug her back down. “There, now suck,” I order.
We both know this is twisted, forbidden, and that others wouldn’t understand, but it only makes me want her more. I want to see their shock and disgust as they catch us. I want them to know that my brothers and I own this cunt, and that this fucking perfect dirty bitch is ours.
Nothing can happen to her; I will ensure that. Or this whole fucking city will burn.
Not that she would care. But she’s ours, and we protect what’s ours.
I see it in his eyes. There is no rule or law he wouldn’t break. No line he wouldn’t cross... for me.
“My girl do that?” I smirk, nodding my head at the fresh cut. “And I thought I couldn’t love her more.”
No one hurts our girl. No one hurts our family.