Beautifully Unexpected
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Read between July 5 - July 16, 2021
7%
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He isn’t pretty, but his eyes are stunning. They’re pale green, the colour of the sea in Denmark where the warm shallows meet the cold deep. My stomach dips, and I wonder if I’m getting indigestion.
☆ Todd liked this
11%
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I’m surprised to find myself asking questions and being genuinely interested in the answers. But then I have no intention of shagging him. He’s too old for me. I like them young and casual.
☆ Todd liked this
16%
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“So, you have a pupil, then?” I say, appreciating the fact that he’s set a slow pace. I don’t think my leg is up to anything else. Already it’s aching like a bitch. “What are you teaching him? Extreme sarcasm with a minor in Danish witticisms?”
☆ Todd and 3 other people liked this
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“Mags suits you. It’s quirky. It says, ‘I am a strange Danish man who shags twinks who like to accessorise with penis decorations.’”
18%
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His expression is sympathetic but still somehow manages to look like he’s taking the piss. It seems to be a character trait of his.
18%
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I look down at myself, realising my outfit of jeans and a navy Ralph Lauren polo shirt will look immeasurably different from Laurie’s. It lacks holes for a start.
23%
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“Is he sick?” the driver asks querulously. “If he throws up, you’ll pay for it.” “Why would I want to buy his vomit?” I ask.
KindMaryJane liked this
23%
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“Please excuse me,” I say. “I’m not trying anything. Semi-conscious men don’t do it for me.” “I would have thought that was your ideal man,”
28%
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“So how are you finding middle age, Magnus?” “Surprisingly tedious. I was astounded to find that adverts for funerals are aimed at anyone over the age of fifty. As if I blew out my candles and immediately needed to be carried out of my flat feet first.”
33%
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Everything about his childhood sounds so uber-bohemian that it would send other bohemians off to church clutching their pearls.
34%
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“You need a dog.” “I need to clone myself,” he says idly. “I’m far too important to be just one body.” “What a truly horrifying thought,”
42%
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“I don’t have any particular desire to photograph my breakfast.” “Is it because it’s usually a dick?”
42%
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You don’t read fiction, and you should.” “It’s obvious you’ve never read some of my clients’ statements.”
46%
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“What was your first sexual experience?” He promptly chokes on his water, and I smile evilly at him. When he’s finished coughing, he glares at me. “Really? You want to discuss this while we’re naked and sitting in a hot room?” “It’s the perfect time. We Danes are a social lot in the sauna.” “I think you use the words ‘we Danes’ rather a lot to excuse bad behaviour.”
48%
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“I hate you beyond all bearing,” he says promptly. “Everything okay now? Can we shag?”
51%
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No, Laurie is not the kind of man I’ve become used to. Which is why it’s mystifying that he’s the hottest man I’ve ever been with.
54%
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I remind myself that he is not anyone’s Mags. He’s a bit like a wildcat. Lovely to look at, but he will never be curling up in front of your fire.
61%
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“You’re a bossy bottom. I should have guessed that, Laurie.”
65%
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The dog pulls on his lead and makes an alarming choking noise. After we’ve stopped to ascertain that he isn’t dying but is instead apparently stupid, we set off again.
KindMaryJane liked this
68%
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the animal senses my will. It is straightforward, really.” He arches one eyebrow. “As simple as him chewing your wallet?” I look down at Endof, who immediately adopts an innocent face that is slightly spoiled by the leather wallet hanging out of his mouth. “Bah. This animal is defective.”
84%
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“You’re everything, Laurie. You’re funny and clever and kind. You’re like sunshine to be with, and only a tiny portion of that is connected with your art. Without your art, you’re still you. Laurie. And he is a man worth knowing.”
85%
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The root of the problem, though, is that I’ve done a ridiculous thing. I’ve fallen in love with Laurie, and he patently doesn’t feel the same. He doesn’t see the real me, and I thought he did. That is what I cannot forgive.
88%
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I don’t let people in, but somehow, I did with you, and the result was a beautifully unexpected summer in London.
94%
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“And who is the real me?” “He’s clever and funny and has a disposition like Mary Poppins on a bad day, but he’s still the only one I would ever let dunk biscuits in my hot milk.”
96%
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I bless the day I came down that corridor and saw the big man and the beribboned twink.
97%
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To my darling Laurie. For all the years of unsolicited advice. My mother was horrified, declaring that it wasn’t at all romantic, but I laugh every time I think of it.
98%
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Mags Carlsen is still the same forthright grumpy bastard who I met in the hallway that fateful day. The only difference is that he’s my grumpy bastard, and as such, I know that he’s a hidden softie, and he loves me deeply and more than I ever expected.