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Oh, I have strong opinions, but a thousand reasoned opinions are never equal to one case of diving in and finding out.
“Son, one of the few things I’ve learned is that humans hardly ever learn from the experience of others. They learn—when they do, which isn’t often—on their own, the hard way.”
“Slow up! I don’t ‘believe’ in anything. I know certain things—little things, not the Nine Billion Names of God—from experience. But I have no beliefs. Belief gets in the way of learning.”
‘Never take anybody’s word about whether a gun is loaded.’ “‘Correct,’ he agreed, ‘Remember that all your life—and follow it!—or you won’t live long.’ 5
Most people won’t learn even by experience, Ira. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”
‘Always cut the cards . . and smile when you lose.’
That’s what happens when you think about the past: You edit it and rearrange it, make it more tolerable—”
Give the future enough thought to be ready for it—but don’t worry about it. Live each day as if you were to die next sunrise. Then face each sunrise as a fresh creation and live for it, joyously. And never think about the past. No regrets, ever.” Lazarus
Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Not sensually polymorphous.”
The purpose of my government is never to do good, but simply to refrain from doing evil.
Early rising may not be a vice, Ira, but it is certainly no virtue. The old saw about the early bird just goes to show that the worm should have stayed in bed.
progress doesn’t come from early risers—progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.”
Nevertheless—and here is where I must ask you to believe that I was there and would not lie to you—despite this shortage of food which never got better other than temporarily and locally in all the years that followed, and could not, for reasons we need not go into—in spite of this disastrous shortage, the government of David’s country paid farmers not to grow food.
Don’t shake your head; the ways of God and government and girls are all mysterious, and it is not given to mortal man to understand them.
Some people are ants by nature; they have to work, even when it’s useless. Few people have a talent for constructive laziness.
Son, one of the weirdest things about the human animal is that it grows up physically years and years before its brain grows up.
As ridiculous as a little boy who digs a hole in the garden, then bawls because he can’t take it into the house.
Despite the way he sneered at them the old scoundrel was an equalitarian at heart . . and expressed it by attempting to dominate anyone with whom he came into contact—but was contemptuous of anyone who knuckled under to his bullying.
I bet only when I’m certain to win or when losing serves my actual purpose.
It’s much safer to break a law knowingly than to do so through ignorance.
But ‘faith’ is for the congregation, Ira; it handicaps a priest.
Don’t ever become a pessimist, Ira; a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun—and neither can stop the march of events.
Whores perform the same function as priests, Ira, but far more thoroughly.
I’ve been broke even oftener than I’ve been wealthy. Of the two, being broke is more interesting, as a man who doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from is never bored. He may be angry or several other things—but not bored. His predicament sharpens his thoughts, spurs him into action, adds zest to his life, whether he knows it or not.
I don’t mean that a business politician won’t steal; stealing is his business. But all politicians are nonproductive. The only commodity any politician has to offer is jawbone. His personal integrity—meaning, if he gives his word, can you rely on it? A successful business politician knows this and guards his reputation for sticking by his commitments—because he wants to stay in business—go on stealing, that is—not only this week but next year and years after that. So if he’s smart enough to be successful at this very exacting trade, he can have the morals of a snapping turtle, but he performs
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By that method I acquired a feeling that ‘love’ means the shared ecstasy that can be attained through sex. Is that right?” “Son, I hate to say this—because, if you’ve been reading a lot of English, I see how you reached that opinion—but you are one hundred percent wrong.”
Mean to say, dears, beauty will lure a man into bed, but it won’t bring him back a second time, unless he’s awfully young or very stupid.”
A man often refuses such a proposal when he wants to accept it—a man likes to be sure of a woman’s motives and sincerity.
Never bed a female dependent on me unless I am married to her or willing to marry her. This is an amoral rule of thumb, subject to change according to circumstances and not applying to females not dependent on me—another negotiation entirely.
I did not hesitate to use fiction in teaching them. Fiction is a faster way to get a feeling for alien patterns of human behavior than is nonfiction; it is one stage short of actual experience—and
A man who can cook can support himself anywhere. But anyone, male or female, should be able to cook, keep house, and care for children.
Marriage is not something thought up by priests and inflicted on mankind; marriage is as much a part of mankind’s evolutionary equipment as his eyes, and as useful to the race as eyes are to an individual.
Sex baits the trap, but sex is not marriage, nor is it reason enough to stay married.
Companionship, partnership, mutual reassurance, someone to laugh with and grieve with, loyalty that accepts foibles, someone to touch, someone to hold your hand—these things are “marriage,” and sex is but the King on the cake. Oh, that icing can be wonderfully tasty—but it is not the cake. A marriage can lose that tasty “icing”—say, through accident—and still go on and on and on, giving deep happiness to those who share it.
Work is not an end in itself; there must always be time enough for love.
‘Mutation’ is never an explanation; it is simply a name for an observed fact.
“No, dear. Don’t be sorry for me. No regrets—never any regrets. Nor would I change it if I could.
Trouble is that you don’t understand ‘Eros,’ dear, because you can’t; you aren’t built to understand it. I’m not running down sex; sex is swell, sex is wonderful. But if you put a holy aura around it—and that is what you are doing—sex stops being fun and starts being neurotic.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don’t let that stop you; if you don’t bet, you can’t win.
Always listen to experts. They’ll tell you what can’t be done, and why. Then do it.
Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect.
If it can’t be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
If you don’t like yourself, you can’t like other people.
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate—and quickly.
Of all the strange “crimes” that human beings have legislated out of nothing, “blasphemy” is the most amazing—with “obscenity” and “indecent exposure” fighting it out for second and third place.
When the need arises—and it does—you must be able to shoot your own dog. Don’t farm it out—that doesn’t make it nicer, it makes it worse.
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded—here and there, now and then—are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty. This is known as “bad luck.”
