Catch and Cradle

by Katia Rose

I’d probably be jealous if I wasn’t so obsessed with thinking about kissing her. Among other things.

being close to her still makes me feel all warm in a way that isn’t even sexual at all.

what being a friend means: believing in the people you love so much that they always find their way back to believing in themselves.

My whole body is flooded with adrenaline that brings the world around me into sharp definition. I feel strong. I feel capable.

I’m not going to shrink. I’m not going to let anyone make me shrink ever again.

Your window for apology closed a long time ago.

I can’t pretend we’re friends anymore. I can’t pretend I don’t want this. She has to know. She has to want it too, and right now, I can’t see any reason to stop.

Kissing her blocks everything else out. I’ve never felt that kind of freedom.

I don’t need words. I just need this. I just need her.

A tension slips into the room as I turn myself around so we’re face to face. There’s no sound in the house, but it suddenly feels like we aren’t as alone as before. There’s a world out there, a world we’re part of. A world with rules and expectations. A world where I have a past and we both have futures.

It hit me during one of my late-night worry sessions: maybe those aren’t the same thing.

I’ve started to treasure every new experience with her like it’s a new jewel in a necklace.

Even with the reassurance that I have people on my side no matter what, I still feel her absence as a constant ache.

Life changes. It’s always moving and shifting, just like the sea or the sky. The world grows and evolves, and we have to grow and evolve right along with it. Counting on people isn’t about asking them not to change; it’s about trusting them to keep being there for you even when they do change.