You're My Home

by Katie Moore

How can I be gay if I’m not attracted to any other men? How can I be straight when kissing a girl makes me feel like I want to run the other way?

“Dance with me,” he says, standing and tugging me to my feet.

“You’re beautiful,” he says, giving me one of his smiles that melts me.

“I love you, Brady.” “I love you, baby.”

I hear a lot of Happy New Years, but all I see is Brady leaning down to kiss me.

“I love you, baby.” I hear Brady say, bringing me out of my haze enough to feel him pulling the blankets up over us.

“Hey, we will come back again. I promise.” Wrapping my arms around him, I nod into his chest. “I know. Thank you for this present. It’s been the best week of my life.” “Mine, too,” he whispers, hugging me back.

Brady squeezes my hand. “Mine was getting to spend time with Zach and watching him see everything for the first time.”

“You’re my home. Don’t you get that? You are my home. You’ve always been my home. Always will be. But right now, I need you to give me some space because you hurt me.”

“You really hurt me.”

“I want a relationship with him!” I shout, getting off the bed to pace in front of him. “He’s mine! He’s always been mine!”

Everyone sees that you’re in love with him, but you. Why can’t you see it?”

“He turns you on and you love him…so why are you fighting it so much?” “I’m not gay, Connor. What happens when I don’t like kissing him anymore? When that feeling hits with him, too? I’m broken sexually and can’t offer him more because I don’t know what’s wrong with me. He’s gay, I’m not. I can’t make him happy long-term.”

“Now that you’ve helped him with his firsts, if he wants to date and find another guy, how are you going to feel about that?” “It’s not happening,”

“Why? If you only wanted firsts, why can’t he move on?” “Because he’s mine!”

When he’s home, you want to be with him. When he’s gone, you wish he was home. You hold him like he’s the most precious gift to you. You talk to him like you would to the person you’re going to spend your life with. You gave him your heart as if he’s the only one who has claim to it.

I’ve never once wanted to have sex with a guy…or a girl, for that matter. I can think someone is attractive, but I don’t have any desire for any of them.” “Yes, you do…you have for Zach. He’s a guy, and you desire him.” “So what does that make me? Gay, but only for one guy?”

“He told me that I’m his home,” I whisper, staring out into the darkness and praying he’s okay.

“He told me once when you were gone that he was homesick. He was homesick for you.”

“I love him, Dad. I love him so much it hurts. It’s painful because what if something happens to him or he dies? It’ll be like my heart dies.”

“That’s what love is, Son. Sometimes we do lose the ones we love, but can you imagine life without him? All you can do is treasure each day you have with him. Being afraid to love him fully is only hurting both of you.”

“I talked with Dad. I want to be with Zach. In every way. All the time. And no one is going to keep me away from him.”

“About fucking time you realize you’re in love with Zach and nothing else matters.”

“If I ever forget it, I’m asking you to punch some sense into me.” “Don’t worry, I’ll do you one wors...

“Have you ever heard of demisexuality?”

“Demisexual is where you don’t feel sexual attraction until you have a deep emotional bond with someone. You can notice if someone is attractive, but you

don’t want to kiss them or have sex with them. When you connect with the person you love, then that sexual desire is there.”

“Gay demisexual.”

“He’s mine and the only person I want.”

“We could just define you as Zachsexual.”

“I love you, Zach. I want to be with you in every way. I want to be boyfriends and lovers. I want to plan a future with you. I want us to travel together, get married, and have kids. I want it all.”

“It’s always been you. I was just too stupid to realize that my body wanted you, also.”

“Brady…” I choke up at his words. “You’re my heart,” he says, his own eyes filling with tears. “You’re my heart. Alwa...

“You’re really mine? We can go on dates and be boyfriends?”

“Yes, we can go on dates and be boyfriends. I’ll kiss you in front of everyone, and they’ll all just have to deal with it because you’re mine.”

to Disney and then you got your fairytale, just like you dreamed you would.” “Oh my God, you’re right! Dreams really do come true.”

“Will you marry me? Please, baby?”

“Yes! Yes, please, I want to be your husband.”

“Husband…that does have a nice ring to it. Zach Wellman sou...

“I can’t wait to take y...

“I solemnly swear that I will protect you and cherish you forever. You are my heart and the one I love more than life itself.”

“I solemnly swear to take care of

you and make your life beautiful. I also promise to be your sleeping buddy forever.”

“You are the only one that I’ll ever want to call home.”