All We Left Unsaid

by Natalie K. Martin

They say the death of a loved one can make time feel like it’s stopped. It isn’t true. Since Finn called, the world outside has continued to turn. It doesn’t make sense to me that I’ve spent the day doing normal stuff, going to work, stopping at the supermarket on the way home, ordering takeaway . . . and all while my sister had been dead. If only the world would stop, I might be able to catch my breath and make sense of it all.

:(

His tall, broad body almost fills the doorway as he shakes his head.

ew?

What was it about the sun that made everything feel so good?

just the right mix of sensitive and masculine with his hedonistic, wild oat-sowing days behind him, attractive, with an established career and faithful.

If there was one thing Ivy knew how to do well, it was how to bring people together, create an atmosphere of fun and make the kind of memories you looked back on with a smile.

AWH

‘You’re not used to attention,’ he continues. ‘And you’re not sure if you like it, or want to hide from it.’

My chest rises and falls as my breath deepens and somehow quickens at the same time. I keep myself completely still as I stare back into the eyes of this man I’ve never met before but who seems to see me so clearly.

intense green eyes

NOOOOO

The way my belly leaps like a ballet dancer tells me that.

Something in his voice makes me soften a little. Maybe I really did offend him. I’m not used to being so assertive, especially with men. Maybe I came across as rude.

I look at him and remember that moment when he came up to the roof and I’d felt that pull. He’d looked at me and told me more about myself than even Ivy could, and I guess I can’t just ignore that. Not when it had felt so real.

he still manages to give me the feeling that he’s completely absorbed in what I’m saying.

She’d never been hurt by an unreliable guy in her life – that was the advantage of keeping things casual. But it felt like the right thing to say and, besides, it didn’t even matter.

And really, it was his loss.

she didn’t have to waste her time with someone who wasn’t interested and who, in all likelihood, would ...

But we both know it’s not nothing.

the depth in his green eyes tells me that this is everything.

NO

It was just that being here felt much more her.

She had everything to stay for here. She’d made a new group of friends, had the sun on her skin and could swim in the sea every day.

This was what life was about. She was here to live, experience and feel. She simply wasn’t made for anything else.

But he’s not my sister.

sun-seekers who wanted to live a little differently than the rest of the world.

As would the sunshine.

It was time for a change.

His smile widens and it lights up my world.

AWH

in telling him to accept a job nine hundred miles away suddenly feels like the stupidest one ever made.

I hate jess.

There’s no way we can leave things like this.

Nick is so sweet like jess is such a loser

tell myself that him not turning up is a reminder to enjoy what I have at home. A man who would never dream of turning up to anything even five minutes late and would absolutely never not text or call to cancel. A man who’s been talking about marriage, using the word when not if. He’s there and waiting for me and I know that all I have to do is take it. Because, really, what am I waiting for?

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

No more looking back. It is time to look forwards.

The sun rarely touched the horizon here at sunset, disappearing behind a thin film of cloud instead. Maybe that was what was so special about it. Regardless, it was a tradition she was happy to get involved with, celebrating the end of another day.

It was a paradise, and Ivy had never felt more free.

For someone who’d felt like they’d had everything, she suddenly realised she had nothing.

AWH

It reminded her of that feeling after a storm had raged through and the only thing left was quiet. She’d spent a lifetime trying to discover that quiet for herself, with little success. Now, it looked like she might have found it.

i love ivy

She wanted a bit of what she had. She wanted something that felt like home.

i love ivy

At this time in the morning, everything was glittery with dew. Steam evaporated from the tops of the hedges in a fine mist and traces of spiderwebs glistened in the sun. Winter in the countryside was beautiful, but Ivy would be lying if she said she wasn’t looking forward to having the sun beating down on her skin.

i love ivy part 3

Grow through what you walk through

He looked like the kind of guy who could be at home anywhere.

He laughed and it felt like golden sunlight streaming on her skin.

She’d seen herself spinning out of control with nobody around who knew her well enough to tell her to stop. She’d seen herself clearly enough to know that, even if someone had been there, she probably wouldn’t have listened to them anyway.

She’d been hurting.

It had been like having the ground fall away, right from underneath her at a time when she’d needed it the most.

that unrooted, ungrounded feeling had become her comfort blanket.

letting go of things that didn’t have a purpose any more.

And if the fun was gone, then why had she done it for so long?

She took a deep breath into her chest and held it for a moment. The early morning sun was already warm on her skin and the sound of the sea rolling in and out on the beach filled her ears.

She didn’t want to punish herself any more.

She wanted to feel good and happy...

You deserve it.’

He’d come into her life with his tanned skin and salt-dried hair like a warm summer breeze, full of laughter and sunset swims and bonfires.

AWW

I know you’re hurting and I know all this doesn’t make sense right now, but I’ve been here with you the whole time. I know all you’ve ever done is your best. You can’t keep beating yourself up.’