From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life

by Arthur C. Brooks

Devote the back half of your life to serving others with your wisdom. Get old sharing the things you believe are most important. Excellence is always its own reward, and this is how you can be most excellent as you age.

There is one way to leave a legacy that will help you live better right now. In his book The Road to Character, the writer David Brooks (a friend, but no relation) distinguishes between “résumé virtues” and “eulogy virtues.”[10] Résumé virtues are professional and oriented toward earthly success. They require comparison with others. Eulogy virtues are ethical and spiritual and require no comparison. Your eulogy virtues are what you really would want people to talk about at your funeral. As in, “He was kind and deeply spiritual,” and not, “He had a lot of frequent flier miles.”

1. Smoking. Simple: don’t smoke—or at least, quit early.

Drinking. Alcohol abuse is one of the most obvious factors in the Grant Study leading to Sad-Sick and putting Happy-Well out of reach. If there is any indication of problem drinking in your life, or if you have drinking problems in your family, do not wonder about it or take your chances. Quit drinking right now. 3. Healthy body weight. Avoid obesity. Without being fanatical, maintain a body weight in the normal range, eating in a moderate, healthy way without yo-yo dieting or crazy restrictions you can’t maintain over the long run. 4. Exercise. Stay physically active, even with a sedentary job. Arguably the single best, time-tested way to do this is walking every day. (More on that later.) 5. Adaptive coping style. That means confronting problems directly, appraising them honestly, and dealing with them directly without

excessive rumination, unhealthy emotional reactions, or avoidance behavior. 6. Education. More education leads to a more active mind later on, and that means a longer, happier life. That doesn’t mean going to Harvard; it simply means lifelong, purposive learning, and lots of reading. 7. Stable, long-term relationships. For most, this is a steady marriage, but there are other relationships that can fit here. The point is having people with whom you grow together, whom you can count on, no matter what comes your way. Seven goals isn’t so many, but it is handy to know the most important one thing to remember. That boiling-down process can be extremely helpful to focus the mind. Is it the smoking, drinking, or exercise? No. According to George Vaillant, the single most important trait of Happy-Well elders is healthy relationships. As he puts it, “Happiness is love. Full stop.”[7] He elaborates a little: “There are two pillars of happiness. . . . One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”[8] And just for good measure, he quotes Virgil: “Omnia vincit amor”: Love conquers all. Vaillant’s successor, Robert Waldinger, puts it this way: “The...