From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life

by Arthur C. Brooks

An early twentieth-century Spanish Catholic cardinal, Rafael Merry del Val y Zulueta, composed a beautiful prayer called the “Litany of Humility.” The prayer does not ask that we be spared humiliation, but that we be given the courage to deal with our fear of it. “From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, Master,” he implores.

“Our grasping to the perception of a ‘self’ as a separate entity leads to an increasing feeling of vulnerability and insecurity. It also reinforces self-centeredness, mental rumination, and thoughts of hope and fear, and distances ourselves from others. This imagined self becomes the constant victim hit by life’s events.”[3]

Probably not. I find that most of the conflict I have with my adult kids stems from my own poor memory of my relationship with my own parents. They were good parents, but I wanted my independence. It was important to me to have a certain amount of separation, not from bitterness but because I wanted to build my own life. And so it is with my kids: our relationship is great, but they are focused on their lives, not mine—as they should be. For this reason, the research finds that contact with unrelated friends is more strongly correlated with well-being than contact with adult children.[42]

As two scholars on friendship put it, “Interaction with family members is often dictated by obligation, whereas interaction with friends is primarily motivated by pleasure.”[43]

Remember, a classic sign of addictive behavior is when something not human starts to supplant human relationships.

This is the stage at which we purposively begin to pull back from our old personal and professional duties, becoming more and more devoted to spirituality and deep wisdom, crystallized intelligence, teaching, and faith.

Most of our days, I am thinking me, me, me. It’s like watching the same dreary television show, over and over, all day long. It’s so boring. Faith forces me into the cosmos, to consider the source of truth, the origin of life, and the good of others. This focus brings refreshment and relief.

To share your weakness without caring what others think is a kind of superpower.

taught. It struck him as the greatest irony that the central characteristic of the universe—change—is the thing with which we are most uncomfortable. He taught that to be at peace, we must accept the impermanence of life and existence.