He Who Fights with Monsters 3 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #3)

by Shirtaloon

“You carry around a crystal specifically for clothing measurements?” “A good adventurer is always prepared.”

“You need to watch your decorum around royalty.” “Do I?” Jason asked. “I was more thinking that I need to get powerful enough that they watch their decorum around me.”

My sin essence, I’m pretty sure, is about having my own rules that others transgress.” “Oh, so you’re not violating the rules of the gods,” Neil said. “You’re positioning yourself alongside them. Let me retract what I said about your breathtaking arrogance.”

“Three days, six months ago,” Neil said again. “How do you have old friends?” “The Magic Society have actually been looking into it,” Jason said. “It turns out that once you cross a certain charisma threshold, it starts warping reality around you.” “Just to be clear,” Clive said to the others, “the Magic Society has not been doing that.”

“I don’t know if you can hear me through your dead, magic rectal probe,” Jason growled, “but you need to listen up, you interdimensional soul bandit. You just got beat by the assistant manager of an office supply retailer while he was hanging from a hook and naked as the day he was born. And reborn, for that matter. So you’d best pack up your piss-weak little cult and take them back to your magic land in the sky because I’m coming for them. And this time, I’m going to have pants.”

“One was full of criminals and the other was full of sailors.” “In fairness, there’s a lot of crossover,”

“Don’t mind Clive,” Jason said. “He’s been crabby ever since I slept with his wife.” “I don’t have a wife!” “Yeah, I’m a homewrecker,” Jason said winsomely, turning to look off into the middle distance. “When you’re down with O.P.P. that’s the life you live.” “What are you even looking at?” Clive asked.

“If you don’t understand what Jason is talking about, he’s probably up to something,” Clive said. “If you do know what Jason’s talking about, he’s definitely up to something.”

“You’re saying that your thing is efficient and practical magic that’s incredibly useful to adventurers, and mine is dashing good looks and frivolous charm?”

“See? You’re getting it already,” Jason said. “Claiming that you’re not the hero is classic hero behaviour. You could stand to get that voice a bit more gravelly, though.”

“I’m definitely sleeping with his hypothetical wife again,” Jason muttered to himself.

“Mate, this is the climactic battle and I’m the only one rocking the power of friendship. You’ve got no chance. You better knock out a back-story flashback toot-sweet or it’ll be a total walkover.”

“Jason saved some of us at the beginning,” Sophie said. “He saved all of us and more at the end. Everyone in this city. If I had the choice, I’d bring him back and let the city burn; I don’t think they’re worth his life.”

Dawn did not like that all of Helsveth’s challenges had been designed, her setbacks and failures engineered. Dawn was of the opinion that only real life could offer the challenges required to grow, not just as an essence user, but as a person.