He Who Fights with Monsters 3 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #3)

by Shirtaloon

“I’m a really hypocritical socialist,” he muttered to himself. “I like money way too much.”

“The issue is that you’re very… loud for an iron-ranker,” Vincent said. “They’re going to want a display of humility.” “No worries,” Jason. “No one’s as good at being humble as me.”

“You carry around a crystal specifically for clothing measurements?” “A good adventurer is always prepared.”

He matched the knot to the outfit, whether a simple four-in-hand knot, a nice, clean Pratt knot or a bold, full Windsor. He even added a flamboyant trinity knot to a couple of the most outgoing outfits.

“I’m not exactly local,” Jason said. “In fact, I’m about as far from local as it comes.” “You’re a local now,” Gilbert said with a laugh. “You’ve been co-opted. Nothing earns good will like success.”

“My job, first and foremost,” she said, “is to keep Valdis out of trouble. You are definitely trouble.”

“We sort out our own business, but old folk like to have a royal or two floating about, so we borrow someone else’s queen from time to time.” “You borrow a queen?” “Yep,” Jason said. “We pop her over, wheel her down the street so people can have a wave and then send her back. It works out for everyone.”

“You need to watch your decorum around royalty.” “Do I?” Jason asked. “I was more thinking that I need to get powerful enough that they watch their decorum around me.”

“This is one of the problems with aristocracy,” Jason said. “If you teach someone that everyone else only exists for their benefit, you can’t be surprised when they start using people as if they don’t matter.”

Jason said. “Everyone’s going to break eventually, so you might as well save yourself the torture. I would.” “You’d give up information under torture?” Humphrey asked. “Why wait for it to start?” Jason asked. “I’d give up under just the threat of torture. I don’t want to get tortured. I’d crack like an egg.”

“It’s about the nature of sin,” Jason said. “A sin is a transgression against a set of rules.”

My sin essence, I’m pretty sure, is about having my own rules that others transgress.” “Oh, so you’re not violating the rules of the gods,” Neil said. “You’re positioning yourself alongside them. Let me retract what I said about your breathtaking arrogance.”

Trash gold was a cheap cosmetic material considered too heavy to be worth shipping off and was largely discarded.

A group of lizards was normally called a lounge,

The need for violence and the moral action was a harder thing to balance than he ever thought.

“You seem to run into a lot of cultists,” Humphrey said. “Oh, that’s nothing,” Jason said. “Back in my world they come to your door with pamphlets.”

“It turns out that once you cross a certain charisma threshold, its starts warping reality around you.”

I’ll take a reckless desire to help over cold indifference any day.

The pain must be getting to you if cheap jokes about my mother are the best you can manage. My mother died a dozen years ago; her ashes are interred in the family mausoleum.” “That did take most of the fun out of it,” Jason admitted. “All I could really do was take the lid off the urn and waggle my thing in there.”

“I don’t know if you can hear me through your dead, magic rectal probe,” Jason growled, “but you need to listen up, you interdimensional soul bandit. You just got beat by the assistant manager of an office supply retailer while he was hanging from a hook and naked as the day he was born. And reborn, for that matter. So you’d best pack up your piss-weak little cult and take them back to your magic land in the sky because I’m coming for them. And this time, I’m going to have pants.”

“Good,” Jason said. “If you tried to turn me over the Purists, I would not go quietly,” “I’m glad,” Danielle said. “I’m starting to realise that not going quietly is kind of your thing.”

big breakfast cooked by Gary, which meant meat, more meat and some eggs. With meat.

“Look at you, mate, jumping all the way to bronze rank like a big boy.” Colin wiggled happily.

“If you’re going to have a rummage in my soul,” Jason said, “we should probably be on a first name basis.”

“I’m still not sure about the beard,” he said at breakfast. “I like it,” Neil said. “It covers your face.”

Nothing Speaks Louder Than Power

“Nothing speaks louder than power,” she told him.

three pillars of effective advancement: training, practise and consolidation.

“If you wait for everything to be perfect,” the priest said, “you’ll never do anything at all.

“In the end, all the past can do is help us decide what we’re going to do next. That’s what matters.”

Their families gathered in boisterous celebration, with both being fussed over by their mothers. Both were also warned not to ‘let that Asano boy lead you into trouble.’

The promise of power was what had brought so many people into the cult in the first place. There was never a shortage of disenfranchised people looking for a place to belong and to escape the powerlessness of their lives.

“The best are the best because they don’t slack off,”

“Do I have to be the best?” Neil asked. “Couldn’t I just be pretty good, but with a sexy wife?”

“Thadwick is what we call a greenhouse flower, in my world,” Jason said. “Outside of the specific environment in which he was raised, he withers. He was never taught to withstand rough weather.”

“It’s probably for the best you’re not evil,” Neil said. “You’re not evil, right?” “No, I’m not evil,” Jason said. “Because you seem evil. With your powers.” “Well, I’m not.” “That’s good to know,” Neil said. “Thankfully, someone evil wouldn’t lie about that. Oh, wait…” “You realise who is at the top of my list if I really am evil, right?” Jason asked. “The guy who bought out the cheesemonger on Maple Street and replaced it with a building supply store?” Neil suggested. “Oh yeah. I hate that guy.”

“You’re the scientist no one listens to at the start of a disaster movie,” Jason said. “Except now you’re at the end of the movie, when you’ve lost your glasses, your hair is attractively tousled, you’ve found the heroism within and realised your implausibly attractive lab assistant was pining for you the whole time.”

“You’re like a treasure chest full of swords with no handles. It looks enticing, but rummaging about inside is going to get you hurt.”

“Why is it always something worse?” Neil asked. “Why can’t it ever be something better. Like cake.” “Oh, I could go a nice fluffy sponge cake,” Jason said. “Did you bring one?” Neil asked hopefully. “Yes, but you can’t have it until you rank up.”

“Wait,” Neil said. “Did we just make the sensible decision and not charge into the hopeless fight? Go team!”

“Those vampiric monsters were a bit disappointing,” Jason said. “They didn’t seem so much vampiric as hung over. A bit peaky, bloodshot eyes. They didn’t even summon any bats.”

The diligent person acts to improve and empower themselves with everything they do, no matter how mundane.” “Then why do you run around like a mad person, talking nonsense, instead of being all diligent?” Neil asked. “Because everything is a weapon,” Jason said, “and there are few weapons as powerful as the way people look at you.”

“Everything is a weapon,” he concluded. “The trick is learning to wield them without doing yourself an injury.”

The room fell quiet in the wake of Jason’s impromptu speech, until Sophie broke the silence. “Sweet gods, you like to hear yourself talk.”

Humphrey came down on the construct like the United States military on an oil-rich nation.

“How did you avoid that thing hitting your soul like a hammer?” Clive asked. “I didn’t,” Jason said. “I did warn you.” “I wish I had your resilience of soul,” Clive said. “No,” Jason said flatly. “You don’t.”

“Jason, you have no problem with these terrifying blade-armed monstrosities, but heidels are disturbing?” “They have two heads, Humphrey. Two heads. Can you imagine having two heads? Imagine if you had a great idea for a recipe, then had to explain it to your other head. That’s not right.”

Sailing on a ship near the coast, they had spotted the griffins soaring majestically off the top of a cliff. They had swooped down, snatching sharks right out of the water before winging away with them.

the shrikes blanketed the platform in complete darkness, turning bright day into deeper than night. What the flying monsters would quickly discover, as had those of their kind who came before, was that they were not the most dangerous thing in the dark.

“Sandwiches,” Jason said haughtily, “are the garnish on a prime slab of perfectly pan-seared rakish charm.”