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CHAPTER 3
It was different. Something was different.
I stared at the back of my sister’s head, her hair lying across my pillow and nearly as dark as mine. I could feel her breathing in my hold as she slept, and my fist clenched where it lay across her stomach.
I lifted the sheet and looked underneath, taking in the pronounced curve of her waist, deeper than I remembered it, and her round ass pressing into my groin.
She was starting to look like other girls. Girls who were old enough for guys to do things to. She felt like the girls I went out with.
“I thought I told you to wrap yourself up,”
“When I sleep, too?” she whined. “It’s like a corset, Damon. I can’t breathe.”
“Maybe . . .” I heard Banks say from the bed. “Maybe I shouldn’t sleep here anymore, you know?”
That was fine, though. She wasn’t his. No one could take her from me.
Banks stayed in my room, she took care of me, and I provided for and protected her. She had her own mattress up in the little hideaway in the tower adjoining my room, but she barely ever slept there.
There was a reason I kept her a secret. A reason I didn’t let any other girl in my room and forced her to wear my old clothes, bind her body, and would never tell my friends my sister was the only woman who would ever sleep in my bed.
My senior year just started last month, but it was my last year at home. Next summer, I’d be leaving for college, and Banks wouldn’t be going with me. I should let her set up her own room. Get us both used to the space. We had plenty of empty bedrooms for her to choose from, after all.
No, the problem was me. She was mine. She was the only person who knew everything, but we were growing up, and I knew she was going to leave me eventually.
Nope. I would never fail a test, much less a class. The administration was practically counting the days until I was gone. They would never hold me back.
I was selfish and completely fine with that.
Life felt like hell because we expected it to feel like heaven. The quote I read years ago went something like that, but I never understood it. When you’re in the thick all your life, living in ways you eventually figure out no one else is, you learn to sleep well in heat and eat fire. Until one day it’s all you need.
It was time to educate her that teachers fell in line, not the other way around.
Images of her loose little bun coming down. Those legs in heels as she was bent over a table . . .
He was the only one—the only one—who didn’t walk on eggshells around me, and I damn near killed him for it a few times, but now I barely did anything without him.
Will, Michael, and Kai were my friends, and I’d walk through fire for any one of them. Will was the only one, though, who I was sure would walk through fire for me.
And u tried to kill him
And sometimes sharing was necessary. When it came to women, I didn’t always keep my promises. Will finished them off if I lost interest.
And I loved that. Confidence annoyed me. I didn’t like being hunted.
She shook her head, the brown of her eyes warm and dark. “I was warned about you boys. This won’t get you an A. Someday you’ll learn the world will make you work for something you want.”
I was bored. So bored all the time with the brainless twits downstairs who never said no and couldn’t satisfy the sordid need inside me to be deviant in everything I did. I didn’t want to fuck. I wanted to get dirty, and I wanted to get her dirty. I didn’t want to be the only one who . . .
My friends—as much as they liked to play at being bad, they were still always clean. Their desires were normal, getting off was physical, and fun was just around the corner.
I didn’t want Miss Jennings to enjoy it. I wanted her to hate that she enjoyed it.
I started noticing her gazing down a few weeks ago and then quickly ducking away when I would notice her. Just went to show, we want what we want and we were built to burn.
Fear etched across her face, but not the fear of not being able to stop me. It was the fear of wanting something but not wanting to get caught.
I’m gonna fuck her. I’m gonna have her begging to come and take pleasure later today as she tries to lecture the class knowing her fucking panties are in my pocket. I’m gonna come back for seconds tomorrow and maybe bring Will and watch her ride him in her own desk chair.
This was almost too easy. It was less of a turn-on when it was easy.
That’s a good boy. You’re getting so good at that, baby.
It gets hard when I do that. That means you like it.
Yeah, you like it, don’t you, baby? You’re such a good boy.
Why couldn’t she shut up? Why couldn’t she just shut her fucking mouth? Most people did what they were told.
I stared at myself in the mirror as I ran my hand through my hair, dragging my nails over my scalp and down my neck. Down my neck, digging in, deeper and deeper.
“Damon?” Banks answered. I paused, breathing hard. “Banks . . .” “Do you need me?”
We had to do this over the phone.
“Or what?” she shot back. “What will you do? You’re so goddamn weak, you have to call me because someone hurt your feelings? Someone stepped on your toe, baby, is that it? Michael, Kai, and Will must be doing Jesus a favor to even consider breathing the same air as you.”
She’s lying. She’s doing what she’s supposed to do. I need her to hurt me because pain covers up pain, and if I feel one, I won’t feel the other. I need her to push back down what tries to crop back up.
She gasped, choking down her tears and forcing the words out. “We laugh about you every day while you’re gone.” Her voice grew harder. “He can’t trust you to grow up. He can’t give you any responsibility. Everyone laughs about you. Especially the guy doing me in your bed right now.”
“God, you weren’t even out of the house before the first one was inside me,” she said, digging deep. “I’ve been getting pounded all morning. Why don’t you get to class and leave us the fuck alone?”
Fuck, yes. And just like that . . . everything relaxed. My limbs felt exhausted, and I saw my sister, in my room at home right now, fully dressed with her collar up to her neck, crying, and her books spilled onto the floor, because she was innocent, pure, and the sweetest girl I would ever know.
Everything she said, I made her say, because we could only feel one pain at a time, and maybe if I could pile on enough dirt, I’d get so buried I wouldn’t be able to think.
At home, there were other things I’d ask her to do to stop the pain, but when she wasn’t in front of me we had to improvise.
“Please stop making me do that . . .” I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up, ignoring her. What she wanted was ultimately unimportant. We would do what we had to do.
I used to want his attention. Now I just hated it when they reminded him that I existed.
Winter . . . My eyes narrowed. And then she appeared. Holding her mother’s arm and trailing slowly behind. I stopped breathing for a moment. Jesus Christ. What the hell was she doing here?
She would never look at me again.
I fought not to smile, practically fucking delighted with the potential of this new distraction.
Everyone in the room suddenly fell silent, and I looked up to see her parents staring at me, suddenly realizing I was in the room. Three inches from their daughter.
