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She wanted me even with what my father did to her? Her husband wanted me anyway?
What if she didn’t like what she was seeing? What if that’s why she never approached me? What if she saw me growing up and thought I was turning out exactly like him?
I’d be going in.
I couldn’t help the smile that broke out as she kissed me again. I wouldn’t admit it to her, but that fucking made my night.
“Someone who wants you to have a chance, Mr. Torrance.”
Christiane Fane.
“I’m stronger now,” I whispered. “I won’t let you fall.”
All the nights I was away, I was still here.
“I have no money, no home, a wife, and a probably pregnant girlfriend,” I said, trying to tease.
“I wonder if it’s easier to get an annulment if the marriage was never consummated.” She let the words hang in the air a minute. “If it was never consummated.”
CHAPTER 34
I should’ve been looking for work, but right now, I just wanted her home before the snow started, and then I’d keep her up all night trying to make a kid we definitely couldn’t support yet.
Oh, what the hell. In the long scheme of things, it was just another rung on the ladder of fucked up shit I’d done that made our little group a little more interesting. We’d get over it.
But then I realized, too, if I hadn’t grown up in Gabriel’s house, I would never have been there for Banks.
“We’re going to rule the world, Rika.” I held out my hands, grinning. “You, Banks, and me.”
I didn’t respond well to bad parents. She’d do well to remember that.
EPILOGUE
Missed calls, texts, pictures . . . He was having the time of his life in Rio.
He said he needed a change of scenery, but he’d been gone a while, and although the pictures looked great, and he looked happy, I knew he was spinning and spinning until he eventually lost his balance and fell.
She’s searching for me, and I just want to be left alone. My chin trembles. Just leave me alone. Please.
I rub the little scratches on my wrist that I’d put there yesterday, trying to see if I had the balls to do it. Maybe I won’t do it. Maybe I will. If I did, I wouldn’t have to stay here with them. I wouldn’t have to live here. It would be over.
My knee shakes uncontrollably. I don’t like anything.
“I see you at cathedral sometimes,” she tells me. “You never take the bread, do you? When the whole row goes to receive Communion, you stay sitting there. All by yourself.”
It’s the one thing that bitch lets me fight her on, too. It all felt so fake, like the makeup women put over their bruises to hide what’s happening to them. It’s an act.
I feel like I understand. I don’t like it out there very much, either. We can hide. Together.
I look at it, turning it over, rinsing off the blood in the water, and wiping it on my jacket.
I still don’t speak. But yeah, it hurts a little.
Always just us.
We never did.