Oh Great! I was Reincarnated as a Farmer (Unorthodox Farming, #1)

by Benjamin Kerei

“You’re confusing me.” The familiar chuckled, dropping the hostility. “You need to become used to that feeling now if you wish to save yourself from added distress.”

Salem is the name of a warlock from a show I watched with my sister as a kid. He was turned into a black cat for five hundred years as punishment.” Salem chuckled. “Yes, your presence certainly is a punishment. I like the comparison.

From my gaming experience, I knew that all systems held a flaw, something you could exploit.

Losing weight sucked.

farms used to refine magic in some way?”

The foundational mechanism for the dwarven race is mining and crafting. The elven system is based on forestry and hunting. The orc system is built on battle.”

On the off chance your farm is raided by goblins and you survive, it is always wise to check your root cellar after the goblins have fled. Extremely greedy and gluttonous goblins sometimes eat themselves into a comatose state and are incredibly vulnerable in this condition. Killing them while incapacitated will usually gain you enough valuable experience that it can offset the cost of rebuilding, if not pay for it outright.

in my world, it’s every man’s dream to one day dig a giant hole.

“That is actually impressive. Your ability to procrastinate literally allows you to capitalize on any distracting avenue, no matter how small. Is this sort of impairment common in your world or is this curse something you have personally received?” “Shut up.”

Charisma was nothing but pure natural attraction and human stupidity. In his words, humans were easily led by anyone who was both attractive and well-spoken

reminded me of the people back home who would vote to protect the wealthy, not because they liked wealthy people, or thought they needed the money, but because they wanted to be them, and were brainwashed into thinking they would one day win the lottery and take advantage of those same breaks they were protecting. Winning the lottery was never going to happen. But it didn’t stop them from acting like it was true.

I barely noticed the prompt I dismissed. “Shit. That was a boss move. I mean, if you wanted to intimidate someone with how tough you are, peeling off your own face has to rank at the top of that list.” “Agreed,” Salem said.

Well done, you have successfully passed the rite of the socialite and gained the Socialite ability. As the potion you drank was aged for more than a century and you managed to remain intoxicated for the full week, you have gained access to the full ability. Socialite Cooldown: None Trigger: Alcohol consumption Effects: Consuming alcohol in any quantity no longer impedes your ability to think or reason. Half of the stamina received from consuming alcohol is now used to power an aura that causes yourself and those around you to become happier and have more fun.

It is useful to remember that magic does not trump physics when it comes to damage.

The smell of earth and The Wild Woods filled my head as we walked. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it didn’t make me feel like I was home. Country living was never something I wanted.

Starting tomorrow, I’d go back to running every day.

Salem rose to his feet and leapt off the rocking chair. “Would you like me to take you on a tour of the property while I give you a proper explanation?” Ranic nodded. “You are too kind.” “No, no, I’m sure you’ve suffered enough having to work with Arnold. Has he made you listen to his inane description of that Home Alone story?”

The problem with being smart is you are rarely wrong. However, when you are wrong, you can be so spectacularly wrong that people will look at you and think, God, what an idiot.

Let’s call your throw-something-and-run-away idea Plan D—for desperate.

“What kind of world did you live in?” “One where the people were the monsters.”

Attributes are nothing but an enhancement of what lies underneath.”

A man in the most elaborate suit and robe I had ever seen stepped forward. It was like someone had artfully vomited a peacock over him.

“So you’re in the military. What’s that like?” “It’s a lot of training followed by short periods of terror.

I am telling you unequivocally do not kill yourself. It will not make me happy and it will not help my singing. You must stay alive.” “Okay, I can do that.” I started checking for pointy objects that I might slip and fall on. I couldn’t be too careful. Ilia’s singing was at stake.

Leave a positive review of the new Star Wars movies saying they were better than the originals? I would have smiled while typing. It was sickening.

Willingly facing that sort of pain over and over again throws off the shackles with which fearing pain binds you.”

I wasn’t a sheep. I wasn’t a fucking farmer. I was goddamn gamer and I could be a toxic sonofabitch if you pissed me off. She had fucked with the wrong guy.

It was like a medieval version of the laser hallway in Resident Evil.

“That might have been a beautiful moment if I didn’t realise you were making most of it up to procrastinate your way out of farming.” He raised his paw and pointed to the ground next to me. “You missed a spot.”

“People don’t fit anywhere, Arnold. You aren’t building materials that are made to fit a perfect purpose. There is no place set aside where you perfectly slot into. No place which exists in adulthood, anyway. If you go around expecting to find that place, you will only find frustration and disappointment.” “So, if I can’t find where I fit in this world, what can I do?” “You get to know yourself, your skills, your limitations, your hopes and fears, you understand your shape and substance, and then make a place in the world that fits you.”

“Meep, Meep, motherfucker.” “What does that even mean?” Salem asked. “It’s a reference to a character from my childhood and one of the greatest actors ever born.”