Sinning Like Hell (Star-Crossed #2)

by Trilina Pucci

But he doesn’t move, bringing his eyes back to mine. They’re so full of love that it takes my breath away. This is magic. He’s all the fucking magic, and it hurts how much I fucking love him.

“Baby, your pussy is heroin. Pure unadulterated fucking heroin. And I’ll never get enough.”

“It’s not forever, Sutton. We are the forever.”

My life was always about you. Before I knew it. You saved me. Gave me purpose. Led me to be the man I was supposed to become. Because for an angel to walk on this earth, it’ll need the protection of the Devil. There are a lot of empty pages I’ll never be able to fill in, so now it’s your turn. Tell me everything. Yell, scream, and cry in here, baby. Because one day I’ll read it all. Soon. –C

I should feel pain, the crunch of my bones against his jaw, but I’m not in my body anymore. I’m a demon, fed by the shouts and curses calling for his death resounding through the shadows.

I’m all the bad shit people said I’d be, but it’s the only way I protect the ones I love and get my girl back.

But I guess I’m surviving. Or maybe today, I’m slowly dying. I can’t tell.

Make everyone see what’ll happen when I send my angel of death.”

“What I have to do today—the fucking horror that I’m about to inflict on someone I’ve never even met. Romes, it means that I give a little of my soul back to the devil. That’s the fucking cost.”

The priest said, “For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence.” It’s stuck with me since that day, it’s why I almost left. I knew I was damned and that I would damn her too. Because I was baptized in blood as my mother lay dying on the street, anointed in my father’s blood as my hands beat the life out of him. Wickedness is my sustenance, and my thirst for violence will never end.

I think the universe knew that you’d need to be strong enough to do what was required one day. And the only way you could be that strong was to lose a little bit of your soul. Not everyone in this world would be brave enough for that task.

We stare at each other for the longest time as my baby plays on a goddamn loop in my mind. Over and over like a song I can’t forget, humming it when I don’t even realize what I’m doing. “I promise to die by your side when we’re wrinkly and fucking gray. So that we’ll never be apart again.” “And I promise to love you even after death.”

“Because if you keep doing this, shutting her out, shutting me out, not talking about West, then when you get her back, the man you’ve become won’t even be close to the one she loves.”

“I can’t just be a man, Romes. I gotta be more than that. But every time I think about her, that’s all I am—a fucking guy who’s split wide fucking open with grief. Because every single day that I’m away from her is harder than the one before.”

I ignore him, turning around and walking out into the field. Our field. Fuck me. Being back in St. Simeon is bittersweet because everything reminds me of her. She’s all over me. But I like it. Even the smell of the ocean reminds me of her. The way it was always on her skin, like the sunshine she loves so much.

damn if this feeling ain’t fucking potent. If someone bottled her, I’d be a fucking junkie. I smirk to myself, because I am though—completely and totally fucking addicted.

It feels like forever and also no time at all because I swear to everything that I love that fucking girl just as much as the first day I told her.

“You think she’ll like this?” I smile. “I think we’ll die here together one day.”

“It’s almost time.” I nod as a breeze carries over the grass, making me remember our last moments here. She was so fucking beautiful, gifting her body to me because I’d already stolen her heart.

Because nothing will fucking keep me from her. I believe it so deep that I’m here, on our field, planning our future. I drop my eyes before turning around to stare at the taped-off outline of the house to be built. “It’s all for you, baby.” I bought it all, the whole fucking plot of property. And bribed quite a few people to keep it quiet. Nobody knows it’s mine, and that’s the way it’ll stay until this shit is over. Because one day, we’ll sit out on our porch, looking up at the same stars that we fell in love under, not being able to remember ever even being apart.

I know what it’s like to be loved and protected. I have someone who would never close the fucking door. And I will fight, scratch, and claw my way back to him.

I never anticipated that when I told you I was willing to wade through hell to be with you—that tonight, the Devil would call my bluff.

“Then we fucking run, Roman,” I shout. “Because I did this to her. I left her here.” A sharp gasp comes from behind Roman, spinning him around and drawing my eyes before my breath empties from my damn lungs. As if I’m being sucked into her orbit as all the oxygen is stolen from my body. Time stands fucking still. There is no sound. No fucking existence past this moment. Because it’s her. Her—my sweet fucking girl. Soulful emeralds stare back, locked on me. She’s looking at me like she can’t believe her own eyes. Fuck. Every piece of her calls to me. I love you.

“Open your eyes,” I breathe, feeling the roughness of my words. She shakes her head, hair falling into her face as she fights against my hold. But it doesn’t matter because I can feel it—all her pain, everything she’s suffering. It’s all over her. It’s why she ran and why she won’t open her eyes. She knows I’ll see the pain behind her eyes because she’s mine, and I’m hers.

“Say we don’t have to run or live in fear. Tell me you’re here to give me what you promised. Us with all the magic, and forever. If you can’t say that, then listen to Roman and leave.”

“Then tell me how to walk away. Go ahead, tell me how when I feel like this”—I motion between us—“it’s like my soul tore from my body the minute I saw you because it was desperate to reunite with its other half. You’re like a homecoming.”

Silence plays out between us as we stare deeply into each other’s eyes, so connected that the world around us falls away and all that’s left is me and this girl and the stars that measure our love. “I love you,” I breathe. “I fucking love you.”

“Go and finish this, and then come home.”

I inhale against her neck, wanting to take some of her with me. To breathe her in so I can carry just the smallest piece of her.

“Whatever they break, baby, I’ll spend our lifetime putting back together.”

This will eat at me until the day I come for her. And God help anyone that breaks even a hair on her fucking head.

The pull is that strong. God, so much time has passed, and even though Calder looks exactly the same to me, his presence feels even more dominant and that much more enslaving. It wouldn’t matter if today were ten years later. I am his.

I think a part of me knew this would happen—as if I could feel his heartbreak. That’s why I couldn’t open my eyes. But it doesn’t matter if I wanted to hide from him. I can’t. And I knew when he looked at me with that gun in his hand. The one that I have no doubt he’s used before. It would just become an extension of the beautiful monster he is now. Calder’s traded his soul for me—for us. And I love him more for it. It makes him all the goodness I’ll ever want in the world. And I’m greedy for more. A moment isn’t enough. I want him and all the magic. And I don’t care if that means that I’m damned too.

It’s not that I only want him. I need him. Like the fucking air to breathe. But I need all of him, not just a piece, because that could never be enough.

“I love you forever. Until we’re dust and bones and even after that.”

“There’s a peace born from the brutality of righteousness. I’ve waited years for this moment—to kill you in her name. And on the day I meet my maker, I won’t pray. I won’t ask for forgiveness. Because this is what you fucking deserve.”

“You made her pray, you motherfucker. You forced her down on her fucking knees in front of that worthless piece of shit and had photos taken. Fuck the money, your life is the price you’ll pay for that.”

“You have to be sorry to receive forgiveness. Beg me. Confess your sins, say what you’ve done to her.”

His sobs grow louder as my face tips to the night sky. A guttural sound, almost demonic, rips from my lungs because everything inside of me breaks, shatters into a thousand pieces fracturing my soul.

“You failed her. Now go and get a place ready for your wife. Because I’m gonna gut that fucking bitch for what she’s done.”

“You don’t deserve to see her stars.”

“I killed Baron Prescott. Stabbed him to death in an alley and linked it to you. Because she’s mine. Just like your fucking throne.”

“It was for her. Always. Remember that when Roman’s cutting you open. He’s gonna take his time, keep you alive. I want you to feel every cut you made to her heart.”

“You don’t get to walk this earth while she’s on it.”

I can see the tracks off in the distance, the ones I cross into downtown St. Simeon, and something about it keeps calling me. I need to make my peace. The tires turn right, taking me down the street. I grip the steering wheel almost on autopilot because the call is so fucking loud. I need to fucking make my peace with God. Not for myself, but for her.

Calder looks deeply into my soul, voice so low that my breath stops. “Who did this to you?”

Calder’s eyes grow cold. There’s so much anger behind them, but I can’t help but think how beautiful it is because it’s fueled by his love.

“I will never leave you alone and unprotected ever again. You are coming home.”

I weep as he holds me tightly to him, letting me feel for the first time in almost three years. It’s as if I’ve been turned off, the lights dimmed so as to never be seen. And now he’s here, and I can’t hide, but really, I don’t want to because he’s the only one that can make it all better. With just his arms wrapped around me and his lips against my hair. Because he’s my home.

“I love you. You are so strong and brave, and I’m so proud of you, baby. But let me take care of you now. Let me make it better, my sweet girl.”