Icebreaker

by A.L. Graziadei

And then. When he breaks away from the boys’ huddle, on his way to the bench. He finds me in the stands and points a finger right at me, this smug little grin on his face. And he winks. I feel it in my soul. I melt down in my seat and hold my cup in front of my mouth, face tilted down. I really don’t need my blushing broadcasted over the jumbotron.

Mickey: Hard to say I mean it was pretty yeah But I’m not exactly aroused by hockey plays Jaysen: Lmao Explain last night then

MY EYEBROWS SHOT UP OFF MY HEAD!!!! SIR!!!!

“Today has been the worst day of my life. I want to fling myself into the lake.”

every character is me i love them all

Like, I know I seem like a super happy person all the time, but I’m just … not. I’m depressed as shit. And it’s not like I have any reason for it. My family is perfectly balanced and boring. Both my parents are professors. They’ve always been supportive and attentive and caring. I haven’t gone through any major trauma or anything like that. My biggest dream of being in the NHL is coming true, and in the meantime I get to study something I really love, so why am I so miserable?”

felt this in my soul

“Does this mean I can send you depression memes now?” he asks, and I feel freer than I have in ages.

The boys are laughing all around me as we head down the hill, but none of them are laughing with me. Even if I can call some of them my friends now, I don’t have anything like they do.

Dorian’s asleep, too, curled up with his knees and forehead pressed against Barbie’s back.

pls i ship darbie so hard

I subscribe to him anyway, because I enjoy suffering.

He pushes a hand into my hair and pulls me back with a fistful of it, just enough that he can say, “I hate you.” “Prove it.”

god its so good

He stays up with me most of the night, talking about everything and nothing. The kind of talking people do at the start of relationships.

“Too many famous people in one place!” Dorian yells. “Can’t handle it!”

i am dorian, dorian is me

“Which is why you’re so pale.” “I’m extremely white, Cauler, this isn’t new.”

“Okay,” Dorian says, but he sounds unconvinced. “Don’t be afraid to cry around us, y’know. We won’t judge.” “Dori cried when we went to different USHL teams,” Barbie says. Dorian puts a hand over Barbie’s mouth and pushes his head away. “And Barbie cried when I went to the Kings and he got stuck with the Flames.” “I was crying for them. Wasted a second round pick on you.”

best bestie duo

“No, I think it was after he sat Nova and Barbie down next to each other and said now kiss,”

iconic

The warmth of him is enough to chase off some of the November chill.

I don’t have a right to be depressed, I’d said to Mom. My life isn’t horrible. Nothing really bad’s ever happened to me. Depression doesn’t care who you are or what you’ve been through, she said. It’s an illness that can happen to anyone.

Delilah: Hey hickey I mean mickey

everyone is an icon

As soon as the gum touches my tongue, it’s like I’m kissing him all over again. I glare at him. He did this on purpose.

“Top cheddar! Oh, what a beaut!”

the most hockey shit i've ever heard

He pushes me down onto my mattress while Twitter blows up about our rivalry and how much we despise each other.

“What are you doing to him, Caulfield?” Zero skates over with mock concern in his voice and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Is this boy hurting you, my poor grumpy child?”

i would die for zero

But he’s laughing, and I’m laughing, and honestly, both teams could vanish off the ice right now, leaving just the two of us, and I wouldn’t even notice.

Imagine the fanfic this rivalry is gonna spawn. Mickey: People don’t write fanfic about hockey players Nicolette: Ummmmm I’m counting over 12k in this hockey rpf category so You’re wrong

could have gone my whole life without knowing I could be the subject of someone’s fanfiction. I’ve read my fair share of fanfic, and I know what that tends to involve. I also must truly enjoy suffering, because I barely make it out of class before I look it up.

This is gonna become a thing now. I’m gonna have to check this every day. Maybe twice a day. Just to make sure I don’t show up at all, of course.

MICK READING JAULER FANFIC!!!!!!! ICONIC

But I’m over here reading a fantasy AU where I’m some kind of elven rogue sent to assassinate Cauler, a human prince, and instead end up falling in love with him. I swear it’s a hate-reading. I can’t stop because I can’t believe someone actually wrote this. I am not invested at all. But oh my god, I have to show Cauler.

Zero turns and drops his pants to give Delilah a full view of his bare ass on her turn, and now I’m the one to gasp and say, “Luca Cicero, that is my sister!”

I wish I could just take apart my head and carve out every part that makes me like this, really. It’s exhausting being inside my own head.

He shakes his head. “You’re such a … little shit.” He says it like a groan. Like I am causing him physical pain.

I have a set limit of one emotion per week.”

mood

“I don’t wanna be just another one of your former teammates,” he says into my hair. “I wanna be able to call you after your games and make fun of the faces you made on the bench or freak out about a sick play you made, and I want you to call and ask about mine and I want to wake up to texts from you. I want to be the one you call when you’re having a rough time.”

I look at Cauler. He’s looking at me. And that matters far more than the name called first. THE END

A SPECTACULAR FUCKING ENDING OH MY GOD