Razorblade Tears

by S.A. Cosby

You always felt like you were on the edge of some imaginary precipice during any interaction with an officer of the law. If you were an ex-con, it felt like the precipice was covered in bacon grease.

But time was a river made of quicksilver. It slipped through his grasp even as it enveloped him. Twenty became forty. Winter became spring, and before he knew it he was an old man burying his son and wondering where in the hell that river had taken him.

Tears ran from his eyes and stung his cheeks. Tears for his son. Tears for his wife. Tears for the little girl they had to raise. Tears for who they were and what they all had lost. Each drop felt like it was slicing his face open like a razorblade.

“When you go to bed tonight and you’re praying your boy didn’t hate you, listen real close. You’ll hear him asking why you didn’t do something to make it right. When you ready to answer him, you give me a call. If you don’t, then I guess you should cover that lion up with a big fat pussy,” Buddy Lee said. He stomped out of the cubicle.

Buddy Lee had it all wrong. Ike wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He wasn’t afraid to spill blood. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop.

It didn’t seem fair for a man to mourn someone abundantly that he had loved so miserly.

“No, you didn’t. But you broke my uncle’s jaw.” “He called me a piece of white trash, then he spit on me. What was I supposed to do? Give him a deep-tissue massage and burn incense?” Buddy Lee asked. Christine laughed. This one was different. It was like honey on his soul.

“And soon they’ll carry him away. He stopped loving her today.”

Buddy Lee pushed off the wall and went into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and Ike joined him. “You got a thing for sharp objects, huh? Jesus. I’m surprised this house is still standing,” Buddy Lee said. He pulled one of the biscuits out of the bag and put it on the table in front of Ike. Ike grabbed it and took a bite. He spoke as he chewed.

flying buttresses,

“You wanna go now?” Buddy Lee asked. “Ain’t no time like the present,” Ike said. “Can you drive? I think if I hiccup too hard I’m gonna pass out,” Buddy Lee said.

“It’s easier to keep your head in the sand than it is to try and see things from somebody else’s point of view. There’s a reason why they say ignorance is bliss,” Ike said.

“Yeah, you know him?” “Me and him got unfinished business. Adam’s Road, right?” Grayson said. “Yeah. Let’s make that meet happen next week,” Slice said. “Yeah, I gotcha on that. Hey, the Black, he a friend of yours? Cuz he gonna get that work,” Grayson said. Slice let a few seconds tick by. “Nah. Do what you gotta do.”

screened on it wrapped around her like a toga. “You’re not?” Buddy Lee said. “No, I’m not, Gomer Pyle,” Tangerine said. “I’m so confused,” Buddy Lee said. He leaned back against the couch. Ike went and stood in front of Tangerine. “We gotta get you somewhere safe,” Ike said. “I was somewhere safe. I was safe and my mama was alive,” she said. “They were gonna find you eventually,” Ike said.

“Let’s go, Tangerine,” Ike said. Ike got in the truck. Tangerine got in the passenger side. “Bye, pretty lady!” Arianna said. Tangerine smiled and waved at Arianna. “Bye, sugar button,” she said. “Hurry back now. Don’t pick up no stray hookers or wooden nickels,” Buddy Lee said. “Watch your mouth,” Mya said. “Sorry, ma’am,” Buddy Lee said.

“Ya know they got something we want and we got something they want. We need something they want more than Tangerine,” Ike said. “Like what? We gonna steal one of their bikes?” Buddy Lee asked.

“That’s what they tell me,” Buddy Lee said. They drove on in silence for a mile or two. “Did you really drive your truck through his house?” Ike said. “Yeah, but I fucked up and took a left at the sink,” Buddy Lee said. Ike and Buddy Lee stared at each other at the same time. Buddy Lee started laughing. Ike just shook his head.

“You … think … I’ll … see … the … boys?” Buddy Lee asked. Ike had to strain to hear him. He bit his bottom lip so hard it nearly bled. “I hope so,” Ike said. “Me too,” Buddy Lee said.

“I love you, Isiah. I know it didn’t always seem like that. I know I didn’t always act like it, but I love you so goddamn much.

time they didn’t feel so much like razorblades.They felt like the long-awaited answer to a mournful prayer for