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February 12 - April 10, 2022
We need to stop spending so much time worrying about our metaphorical overstory, our high-hanging branches, and instead focus on nourishing our deep and internal roots. The stuff that keeps us grounded throughout all kinds of weather. The foundation. The principles and practices that we often overlook, that get crowded out in a too-busy life focused on the relentless and all-too-often single-minded pursuit of outward achievement.
Groundedness is unwavering internal strength and self-confidence that sustains you through ups and downs. It is a deep reservoir of integrity and fortitude, of wholeness, out of which lasting performance, well-being, and fulfillment emerge.
we’re all affected by what behavioral scientists call hedonic adaptation, or the “set-point” theory of happiness: when we acquire or achieve something new, our happiness, well-being, and satisfaction rise, but only for a few months before returning to their prior levels.
if you become a slave to outward ambition you’ll be forever dissatisfied, always chasing the next best thing, always getting caught up in the ephemeral and fleeting,
Accept Where You Are to Get You Where You Want to Go. Seeing clearly, accepting, and starting where you are. Not where you want to be. Not where you think you should be. Not where other people think you should be. But where you are. Be Present So You Can Own Your Attention and Energy. Being present, both physically and mentally, for what is in front of you. Spending more time fully in this life, not in thoughts about the past or future. Be Patient and You’ll Get There Faster. Giving things time and space to unfold. Not trying to escape life by moving at warp speed. Not expecting instant
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It is only once you gain a clear understanding of a situation, and get at least comfortable enough being in it, that you can take wise and productive action to get where you want to go.
acronym ACT: Accept what is happening without fusing your identity to it. Zoom out to a larger perspective or awareness from which you can observe your situation without feeling like you are trapped in it. Choose how you want to move forward in a way that aligns with your innermost values. Take action, even if doing so feels scary or uncomfortable.
This is what is happening right now. I’m doing the best I can.
Act in accordance with your values, even if you don’t feel like it. Mood follows action.
Presence is a concentrated quality of mind that lends itself to strength and stability.
we’ve come to associate nonstop notifications with validating our importance in the world.
Picking up and refreshing our digital devices is like playing an existential slot machine.
When we protect our time, energy, and attention and direct it wisely—when we are present for meaningful people, places, and pursuits—our entire experience of being alive improves dramatically.
There is no end zone. It’s a day-to-day decision. How do I want to show up? Where do I want to direct my energy and attention? What do I want to be present for?
what is important doesn’t necessarily get our attention, but what gets our attention becomes important.
The seeds that we water are the seeds that grow. The seeds that grow shape the kind of person we become. In other words, the quality of our presence—its intensity and where we choose to channel it—determines the quality of our lives.
“How we spend our days is . . . how we spend our lives.”
when we zoom out and realize that so many of the projects in our lives are nine-inning games, the perceived immediacy of whatever it is we are dealing with relaxes.
match quality is even more important than grit. After all, if you’re a good fit for what you’re doing, then you’re likely to stick with it.
when you are excited you are not peaceful. True happiness is based on peace.”
remember that doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff isn’t progress. It’s just doing stuff.
Speed can be a defense mechanism. Ceaselessly moving fast and getting swept up in heroic individualism’s propensity to look outward helps us avoid confronting the things we fear most.
when someone spends too much time playing their front stage self, particularly when there is a wide gap between their front stage and backstage selves, distress usually follows.
The things you care about make you vulnerable. The things you care about break your heart.
If anyone says or comes across like they have everything figured out, that’s generally a good sign to run in the other direction.
intellectual humility, which can be understood as confidence gained by owning one’s limitations and not being overly concerned with being the best or having power over others. It involves active curiosity about your blind spots and perceived weaknesses.
“When you are content to simply be yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”
What am I running from? What do I fear? What lies underneath this fear? What if this fear—be it of irrelevance, failure, losing control, running out of time, embarrassment, or death—is simply an unavoidable part of the human condition? What would it look like to make space for this fear, first in myself, and then perhaps by being more open about it with others? What lies on the other side of this fear, of this perceived weakness? What are my strengths? What do I really want? Love? Connection? Acceptance? Safety? Can I follow that true and deeply held desire? What would it be like to hold all
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If you catch yourself pretending or performing, exerting too much effort to maintain your front stage self, use that feeling of pretending as a cue to pause and ask yourself what you really want to say.
vulnerability doesn’t come from trust—trust comes from vulnerability.
humans thrive when three basic needs are met: Autonomy, or the ability to have at least some control over how we spend our time and energy. Competence, or a path toward tangible improvement in our chosen pursuits. Relatedness, or a sense of connection and belonging.
“Shalane Flanagan Effect: You serve as a rocket booster for the careers of [those] who work alongside you, while catapulting forward yourself.”
we’d be wise to associate with people whom we admire and aspire to emulate. It’s not so much rote skill that is contagious as it is motivation, emotion, and values.
Friendships based on utility, or those in which one or both of the parties gain something as a result of the friendship.
Friendships based on pleasure, or those centered around pleasant experiences.
Friendships based on virtue, or those in which both individuals share the same values.
“Perfect friendship is the friendship of [those] who are alike in virtue,” he wrote. “For these [individuals] wish well to each other [in all circumstances] and thus [these friendships] are good in themselves.”
It’s fine to have some, perhaps even most, friendships mainly for utility and pleasure. But recognize that these types of friendships fill a different purpose and are likely to have a shorter life span than the ultimate kind of friendship—that which is founded upon shared virtue.
The most important people in a leader’s orbit are those who are comfortable doing the opposite—challenging the leader and pointing out problems
When we get too caught up in our own rising and falling—too hell-bent on optimization, productivity, and efficiency—we neglect the water from which we come, and the result is a quick path to loneliness and suffering. When there is no water, a wave literally loses itself.
movement practice teaches you that breakthroughs do not happen overnight. They result from consistent effort applied over a long duration, from gradually pounding the stone in a smart and controlled manner until one day it breaks.
cognitive dissonance is often a sign that you need to better align your being and your doing.
Every time she feels tempted to make a reactionary move, go back to her mission and goals and ask: Does this really help move the needle?
You can’t hide behind simplicity. You have to show up, day in and day out, and work toward your desired changes. Your successes hit you in the face. But so do your failures. This kind of quick and direct feedback allows you to learn what works and adjust what doesn’t.
Viewing something as an isolated activity lends itself to “good” and “bad” judgments, forgetfulness, and discontinuity. Viewing something as a practice lends itself to continual learning, meaningful change, and integration.
life satisfaction is largely a by-product of transitioning from being a seeker, or someone who wants a certain lifestyle, to a practitioner, or someone who lives that lifestyle.
being kind to yourself in the midst of struggle and hardship gives you the resilience that you need to thrive.
Beating yourself up is a complete waste of time and energy.
