The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds--Not Crushes--Your Soul

by Brad Stulberg

heroic individualism: an ongoing game of one-upmanship, against both yourself and others, paired with the limiting belief that measurable achievement is the only arbiter of success. Even if you do a good job hiding it on the outside, with heroic individualism you chronically feel like you never quite reach the finish line that is lasting fulfillment.

Groundedness is unwavering internal strength and self-confidence that sustains you through ups and downs. It is a deep reservoir of integrity and fortitude, of wholeness, out of which lasting performance, well-being, and fulfillment emerge.

Studies show that happiness is a function of reality minus expectations. In other words, the key to being happy isn’t to always want and strive for more. Instead, happiness is found in the present moment, in creating a meaningful life and being fully engaged in it, right here and right now.

the six principles of groundedness are as follows:

Accept Where You Are to Get You Where You Want to Go. Seeing clearly, accepting, and starting where you are. Not where you want to be. Not where you think you should be. Not where other people think you should be. But where you are.

Be Present So You Can Own Your Attention and Energy. Being present, both physically and mentally, for what is in front of you. Spending more time fully in this li...

Be Patient and You’ll Get There Faster. Giving things time and space to unfold. Not trying to escape life by moving at warp speed. Not expecting instant results and then quitting when they don’t occur. Shifting from being a seeker to a practitioner. Playing the long game. Staying on the path instead of constantly veering off.

Embrace Vulnerability to Develop Genuine Strength and Confidence. Showing up authentically. Being real with yourself and with others. Eliminating the cognitive dissonance between your workplace self, your online self, and your actual self so that you can know and trust your true self, and in turn gain the freedom and confidence to devote your energy to what matters most.

Build Deep Community. Nurturing genuine connection and belonging. Prioritizing not just productivity, but people, too. Immersing yourself in supportive spaces that will hold and bolster you through ups and downs, an...

Move Your Body to Ground Your Mind. Regularly moving your body so that you fully inhabit it, connect it to your mind, and as a result become...

As the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh says, “If you want to garden, you have to bend down and touch the soil. Gardening is a practice. Not an idea.”

psychologist Carl Rogers spent decades working with individuals on personal growth and fulfillment. Perhaps his most poignant observation, the one he became most known for: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

The objective of ACT is not the elimination of difficulties. Rather, it is to be present with whatever life throws your way and to move in the direction of your values, even if doing so feels hard in the moment.

When someone is deceiving themselves and not accepting of their reality, they become doubtful and insecure. When someone is honest with themselves and accepting of their reality, they gain a quiet and firm confidence.

“What progress have I made?” wrote the Stoic philosopher Seneca, some two thousand years ago. “I am beginning to be my own friend. That is progress indeed. Such a person will never be alone, and you may be sure he is a friend of all.”

mood follows action.

study conducted by King’s College London found that persistent interruptions, such as the kind caused by multitasking, led to a ten-point drop in IQ. This is twice the decrease one experiences after using cannabis and on par with the decrease you’d expect from having stayed up all night.

“Each time you ride a wave of craving without giving in,” says Brown University neuroscientist Judson Brewer, “you stop reinforcing the habit.”

“Deep-seated, habitual thought patterns require constant mindfulness repeatedly applied over whatever time period it takes to break their hold,” writes the monk Bhante Gunaratana. “Distractions are really paper tigers. They have no power of their own. They need to be fed constantly, or else they die.”

Being present isn’t just about being grounded in the here and now—that is, not being pushed and pulled around by endless distractions—but also about laying a foundation for the future.

Vincent van Gogh produced more than twenty paintings in 1888, just two years before his death. These paintings included two of his most famous works, The Starry Night and Sunflowers.

Lao-tzu’s insistence on wei wu wei, literally translated as “doing not doing.”

Social scientists sometimes refer to this paradox as intellectual humility, which can be understood as confidence gained by owning one’s limitations and not being overly concerned with being the best or having power over others. It involves active curiosity about your blind spots and perceived weaknesses. Intellectual humility is associated with greater self-awareness, discernment, and openness to new ideas. When you start from a place of humility you end up gaining a stronger, more flexible, and more integrated sense of self.

This body of work has coalesced into self-determination theory, or SDT for short. SDT demonstrates that humans thrive when three basic needs are met: Autonomy, or the ability to have at least some control over how we spend our time and energy. Competence, or a path toward tangible improvement in our chosen pursuits. Relatedness, or a sense of connection and belonging.

Aristotle outlined three different kinds of friendship: Friendships based on utility, or those in which one or both of the parties gain something as a result of the friendship. This is akin to the modern “networking” enterprise, or becoming friends with someone primarily because you think they can help you. Friendships based on pleasure, or those centered around pleasant experiences. These are the people with whom you have an enjoyable and carefree time. Friendships based on virtue, or those in which both individuals share the same values. These are bonds with people you admire and respect, with whom you align on what you find most important in life.

They’ve found that, compared to urban walks, forest walks have a significantly more positive effect: they reduce stress levels, diminish sympathetic nerve activity, and decrease both blood pressure and heart rate.

Anytime you attempt a significant change there will be resistance, usually commensurate with the size of the change; it’s part of the process.

Meister Eckhart implored of his followers: “It is not that we should abandon, neglect, or deny our inner self, but we should learn to work precisely in it, with it, and from it in such a way that interiority turns into effective action and effective action leads back to interiority and we become used to acting without any compulsion” (emphasis added).

but don’t be scared to openly admit his uncertainties where he had them. Stop shying away from the phrases “It depends” and “I don’t know, let’s discuss.” (vulnerability)

The more complex you make something, the easier it is to get excited about, talk about, and maybe even get started—but the harder it is to stick with over the long haul. Complexity gives you excuses and ways out and endless options for switching things up all the time. Simplicity is different. You can’t hide behind simplicity. You have to show up, day in and day out, and work toward your desired changes. Your successes hit you in the face. But so do your failures. This kind of quick and direct feedback allows you to learn what works and adjust what doesn’t.

The work of Stanford researcher BJ Fogg demonstrates that successful habits have three qualities: they have an impact, you possess the skill and ability to do them, and they are behaviors that you actually want to do.

“The way practice works,” an anonymous Japanese Zen teacher once remarked, “is that we build up our practice, then it falls apart. And then we build it up again, and then it falls apart again. This is the way it goes.”

Stay on the path. Fall off the path. Get back on the path.