The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds--Not Crushes--Your Soul

by Brad Stulberg

The stories of Kevin Love, DeMar DeRozan, and Sara Bareilles teach us that we are all perfectly imperfect, even those of us who appear rock solid and successful. We are all just doing the best we can, and in many ways making it up as we go.

DeMar DeRozan says that his mom always told him, “Never make fun of anybody because you never know what that person is going through. . . . You never know.”

Remember that vulnerability doesn’t come from trust—trust comes from vulnerability. If you attempt to open up to someone and it is not well received, don’t take it personally. Move on to others who will meet you where you are. If being vulnerable in person feels like too much, start with a phone call, text message, email, or handwritten letter.

The deleterious effects of loneliness extend beyond our individual experience and into our romantic partnerships, too. Relationship therapist Esther Perel believes that a driving issue in many unsatisfying intimate relationships is that participants lack belonging to a broader community. “We are asking one person to give us what once an entire village of people used to provide,” she says. “It’s crushing us. It puts way too many expectations [on the relationship].” Yes, humans evolved to bond with intimate others, but we also evolved to belong to communities.