The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds--Not Crushes--Your Soul

by Brad Stulberg

Studies show that happiness is a function of reality minus expectations.

The findings, which were published in the book Dark Horse, written by human-development researcher Todd Rose and neuroscientist Ogi Ogas, center around two major themes followed by people who chart untraditional paths to good lives: these “dark horses” focus on accomplishing the things that matter most to them, and they don’t compare themselves to others or to conventional definitions of success.

In this instance, happiness, fulfillment, well-being, and sustainable performance arise when you concentrate on being present in the process of living instead of obsessing over outcomes, and above all when you’re firmly grounded wherever you are.

Change is a challenge. The inertia of what you’ve always done is real—and it can be quite strong.

It’s kind of like this: desperately trying to be happy or successful is one of the worst ways to actually be happy or successful.

Self-compassion doesn’t come easily, especially for driven, type A people who are well-schooled at being hard on themselves.

No retweet, Like, nine p.m. message from the boss, Instagram post, or “breaking” news story is more meaningful or satisfying than being present for the people and pursuits we care about most.

Doing stuff is only valuable if the stuff we are doing is valuable.

Our ancestors who survived weren’t those who were the strongest by traditional measures, but those who were most effectively able to share their weaknesses with one another and work together to overcome them.

“A diminishing circle of friends is the first terrible diagnostic of a life in deep trouble: of

overwork, of too much emphasis on a professional identity, of forgetting who will be there when our armored personalities run into the inevitable natural disasters and vulnerabilities found in even the most average existence.”

“If you consort with someone covered in dirt you can hardly avoid getting a little grimy yourself,” wrote the Stoic philosopher Epictetus in a two-thousand-year-old warning about being around assholes.

So long as the training is based on sound principles, the specific method isn’t nearly as important as an athlete’s patience and consistency with it. There are many roads to Rome, but you’ll only get there if you don’t constantly veer off the route you chose.