He Who Fights with Monsters 2 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #2)

by Shirtaloon

“That’s why I thought to myself, ‘what would Jason do?’ Obviously, he’d just do it without asking and then point out that no one said he couldn’t.”

“You should always welcome being proven wrong,” Jason said. “It means your understanding of the world just got a little bit better.”

“No,” Humphrey said. “You’ve sparred with him. Run from him. You haven’t fought him. Jason is very good at killing and very bad at leaving things alive. If he’d wanted you dead, you would have been dead.”

“Jason is a lot like Danielle Geller,” Phoebe said. “She’s subtle and refined where he’s outrageous and disruptive, but they operate the same way. There’s always a sense with Danielle that she’s playing a game only she knows about. It’s like you only ever see her from an angle. Jason is the same, except loud and distracting instead of subtle and nuanced. Basically, they’re both good people who think like bad people.”

“The entire point of being a gold-ranker is to have other people deal with all the mundane problems.” “And here was me thinking it was to protect civilisation from monsters,” Rufus said. “That’s a life lesson, I guess.”

“So all this strangeness is just an act?” “Not at all,” he said. “There’s method to the madness, sure, but there’s also madness to the madness.

“So, what can you use it for?” Jason asked. “No idea,” Clive said. “Really?” Jason asked. “I figured you’d take one look at it and be all ‘yeah, now we can give ‘em a good ol’ kick in the beans!’” “You thought I’d say that?” “You say that kind of thing all the time.” “I’ve never said anything like that in my entire life.”

“Six months ago, I didn’t know anything that happened in the last five months was possible and a good chunk of it has tried to kill me. The things-I-don’t-know train just keeps chugging along. I’m not going to let it park a hand up my bunghole and wave me about like a rakishly handsome sock puppet.”

The adventures will be the stories we tell, but the friendship is the thing we’ll miss.

“You’ve been listening to other people too much,” Jason said. “When did you ever see me start trouble?” “You killed a bunch of people in a shopping arcade in the middle of the day!”

“Why do you sound British?” Jason asked. “I don’t know what British is,” the shadowy figure said. “That’s for the best,” Jason said. “Don’t tell them you don’t have guns or they’ll colonise the crap out of you.”

“Life isn’t for surviving, Wexler. Life is for living.”

“I kind of just wanted to sleep,” Beth said. “I think everyone just wanted to sleep,” Humphrey said. “So why are we having a party?” “We were outvoted by Jason and the prince.” “How do two people outvote twenty-nine?” “I’m not sure,” Humphrey said, “but I think we may need to keep those two apart.”

But I’m not evil, you know. I’ve just lost my illusions.” “There’s nothing wrong with illusions. Justice is an illusion. Civilisation, morality. They’re illusions we all agree to share because they make us better.”

“Four comes before five, idiot! You are not getting crushed to death because you don’t know how counting works!”

“If you don’t like it,” Sophie said, “go complain to your god friends.” “We’re more like work acquaintances,” Jason said. “We generally stay out of each other’s way unless something comes up in the course of our normal employment.” “Did you just call the god of Dominion a work acquaintance?” Neil asked. “I don’t think he’s someone I’d get after-work drinks with,” Jason said. “I bet he’d cause a lot of trouble.”

“Hoverboards!” Jason called out cheerfully. “Their actually called personal float discs,” Clive corrected him. “Hoverboards!” “That’s not—” “Hoverboards!” Jason asserted again. Stash turned into a bird and flew onto Jason’s head, echoing his cry. “Hoverboards!” “Good boy,” Jason said, giving bird Stash a biscuit.

“It’s a little odd to find a touch of the divine on you, then.” “I’ve been touched by gods, alright,” Jason said. “They’re quite handsy, once you get to know them.”

“It doesn’t have to be clever,” Humphrey said. “It just has to be useful.” “You think putting me up front to hit people will be useful?” “It’ll be unexpected,” Jason offered. “Who expects a small, adorable person to whack them upside the head with a big hammer?”