The Belle and the Beard (The Santillian Triplets, #3)

by Kate Canterbary

I avoided my banking app when I knew I was running low on cash. If I didn't look, I wouldn't panic over money.

I pulled back from relationships that didn't work anymore. If I didn't participate, I wouldn't have to acknowledge the problems.

All I had to do was get through.

I hated trading in these extremes but it seemed to be my way. So hungry I lost my appetite. So stressed I was calm. So angry I came off happy.

There was nothing—not a single blessed thing—I hated more than my voice being rendered mute and worthless.

"I regret it," she said. "Not spending more time with her. That's the shitty price of grief. You're always left with one regret or another and it never leaves you alone."

That was all it would take to get her out of my system.

And haven't you ever stayed in something too long because ending it would be irrevocable, even if it was inevitable?"

"Being good at something doesn't make it good for you."

"Because years are not wasted. You were alive. You lived those years. You experienced more than a job in that time."

"Do you have any idea how long it takes to start over? I've spent half my life on this. I can't just—I don't know, how do people find careers? I've been doing this since I was seventeen. This is who I am. This is my plan." "You know how people do it? They decide to fuck the plan. Seriously. Fuck the plan. Walk in the woods. Reject anyone's definition of success. Abandon expectations. Listen to your heartbeat. Take no one's shit."

"What I mean is, if someone can't handle being logically and reasonably mistaken for a significant other in a low-stakes situation, that person is probably forcing a lot of their own insecurities onto you.

And yet, when I gathered a sleeping Jasper into my arms and closed my eyes for the night, I thought about all the lives we were allowed to live with the time we had, and I whispered into her hair, "I wish you were mine to keep."

"Yes, that. Even if you're wildly obsessed with someone, you need time away from them too.

But my life has many facets and the people I spend time with should be reflective of that. I can't throw myself all in one direction and still expect to feel whole."

"I needed to give myself permission to start over. I didn't think I was allowed to do that.

There's no limit on the number of acts in your play. You get as many as you want. You just have to keep getting on stage."

"I want a community of my own, a place that's mine because I choose it, not because I'm stuck with it. I want to let myself rely on people, even when that's scary. I want a home that people want to visit because it's so happy and welcoming. I want to belong somewhere and to someone. I want to start a family and have a baby or two, and I don't want to wait until everything is perfectly right to do it. I've waited so long and I don't think I can wait anymore. Actually, no. I can't wait. I know that."