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Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes and Who is this God Person Anyway?.
Only six people in the Galaxy knew that the job of the Galactic President was not to wield power but to attract attention away from it.
If they don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.
‘What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?’ ‘You ask a glass of water.’
‘The argument goes something like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.” ‘“But,” says Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.” ‘“Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. ‘“Oh, that was easy,” says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
‘If you’ve done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?’
It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
‘My capacity for happiness,’ he added, ‘you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first.’
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
‘You cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know because they are not of the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know, because that would be to replace you yourself.’
