The One That Got Away

by Nicky James

You’re not a bad person, but you’re hard to like. Take down some of your walls, and maybe you’ll see the whole world isn’t against you like you think.”

Charlie’s doped-up gaze flickered to my face, and a smile touched his lips. “Dad doesn’t like it when I swear,” he slurred. “But I’m twenty-nine. I’m not a child. I can do what I want.” I glanced over Charlie’s shoulder where Archie and Sofia continued to spy on our conversation. “He’s at the door, you know?” Charlie’s eyes blew wide. “Oh no.” He bit his lower lip, and it was quite possibly the most endearing thing I’d ever seen. I couldn’t contain my laugh, and a second later, Charlie was laughing too. It was soft and light, but it was there.

“He’s going to take me away again. He’s going to hurt me.” “No, he won’t.” I had to resist the urge to wipe his cheek. “I won’t let him. Do you hear me? Do you understand? I will never let that happen.”

“No one will ever hurt you again,” I whispered. And I meant it. “You’ll protect me?” “That’s my job, isn’t it?” “You won’t let him hurt me?” “I promise, Charlie. Do you believe me?” Charlie seemed to process my words, but he nodded.

“I like fucking with you,” he whispered. “Again.” Louder, he said. “I like fucking with you, Takoda.” For the second time, we both laughed.

I was safe with Takoda. He’d promised to protect me. He’d told me no one would hurt me again, and I believed him. I was safe. I was safe.

couldn’t explain what it was about Charlie that calmed me down when everyone else in the world seemed to rile me up.

“I don’t want to stop you.” Holding my shoulders, he lifted himself easily, ignoring my lax hold on his neck, and joined our mouths. It was the most tentative and nervous kiss I’d experienced since my first kiss with a guy when I was a teenager. Charlie didn’t do more than brush his lips against mine before pulling away. When he laid his head back down, I followed, releasing his throat and sliding one hand around to cradle the back of his neck. I kept the kiss simple. Light. Gentle pecks a few times before glancing my tongue along the seam of his mouth, asking permission for more. Charlie fumbled, but he didn’t push me away. Before long, he found the rhythm of our connection.

I know I have anxiety. I know I have an extreme paranoia disorder—believe me, Sofia uses that label all the time, and I hate it. I know I have a form of OCD along with a slew of other issues, but I know my body, and I trust Takoda.”

“If I’m not okay, I will come to you. I always have, even when I couldn’t express myself in the beginning, remember? You’re my safety net. That hasn’t changed.” Dad’s eyes turned glassy as he nodded. This man had given up everything for me. His job, his wife, his life. I’d come home broken, and he’d never left my side. Piece by piece, he’d put me back together the best he was able. He’d hired the best doctors in the province and followed their advice. He had my best interest at heart.

“But there’s something different about you, Charlie. I like you in a way I didn’t really expect. I’d be very interested in doing a whole lot more exploring with you. But,” I said, shoving a finger over his lips when he went to open his mouth, “nothing, absolutely nothing, will happen unless you’re okay with it. You’ve got a lot going on right now. There’s no pressure from me. I’m not like that. Do you trust me?”

“In a lot of ways, you’re older than me.” “I’m also ten times douchier.” He paused. “And I know that’s not a word, so don’t say it.” I grinned. “I’ll add it to my Takoda dictionary.” “I ought to pinch you again for that. You’re turning into a smartass, Charlie.” “You’re a wonderful influence.”

For all that Charlie had been sheltered from the world, he was incredibly brave when he wanted to be, and I admired that inner strength.

My face hurt from smiling as I bumped his nose with mine. “You’re too fucking cute, Charlie Falkingham. I can hardly stand it.”

He crawled under the covers, and I encouraged him to lie up against me. He tucked his head on my shoulder and curled around me. He was asleep within minutes.

“You know, Charlie, I don’t see you as broken or damaged or whatever it is you think I see. For all the shit you’ve been through, I think you’re brave and strong. If at any point today you need a break or you have to go to where it’s safe for a while, it’s okay. I’ll be there. You know, when you come back.”

He dropped his arms, his face flushed. “You’re mean.” “You’re cute.” “I’m trying to insult you.” “Mean is the lamest insult ever, and I’m trying to make you smile.” “It’s not going to work.” “It already has.” Charlie caught himself grinning and worked hard to turn it into a frown. His effort made me laugh.

You’re safe, Charlie.” My heart was making every effort to expel itself from my chest. It hurt, and I folded in half, pressing my hands to my sternum, wanting to alleviate the pain. Takoda guided my head to his shoulder and rubbed my back, reminding me to breathe.

You make me feel safe, and I don’t feel safe very often. You’ve got a harsh edge to you. I’ve seen it. You push most people away. You act tough and mean, but you’ve been nothing but kind and understanding with me. You don’t treat me like I’m broken. You don’t get annoyed by my quirks. And… you have a soft heart under your brash exterior.”

“You know what frustrates me?” he asked. “Me correcting your words?” “That too. But it’s the way you’ve already decided that you aren’t worth it and that I should walk away. I don’t want to walk away. I want to see what this is. I want to help you discover all your strengths because I think you focus too much on your weaknesses. I want to keep making you feel safe.”

just want to make you feel good, Charlie. That’s what’s important to me. Can I do that? Will you let me take care of you?”

My past didn’t define me, and my future could be anything I wanted it to be.

Dad just laughed and tugged me in for a kiss and hug. “Be safe,” he whispered in my ear. “Don’t tell him, but I think I like the guy.”

“I don’t ever want to lose you. I’m going to do my best not to fuck this up. I promise. I want to be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” “Because I love you.” Charlie’s eyes widened, and his lips parted. “What?” I crossed the room, unable to go another minute without touching him. I took him in my arms and kissed him deeply, cradling his face and savoring every ounce of him. “I love you so much, Charlie. I can’t even describe it. It overwhelms me in the best possible way.” Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped his thumbs over my cheeks. Apparently I’d shed a few tears of my own. “I love you too. You saved me.”