Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

by John Eldredge

femininity cannot be prescribed in a formula. There is no “one size fits all” pattern for God’s women.

Sometime between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart.

Jesus still has the power to heal us as women, to touch us, to restore us in our places of deepest need. And we all have need. All of us. In fact, some of us have been bleeding much longer than twelve years.

I didn’t want to be a man. What does it mean to be a woman?

To say that to be a woman is not enough—that you have to be a man of sorts—is chauvinistic in its own way.

we’ve received all sorts of messages but very little help in what it means to become a woman and very little guidance as to what a real woman even is.

asking myself as well as older females in my life how a woman of God could actually be confident, scandalous, and beautiful, yet not portray herself as a feminist Nazi or an insecure I-need-attention emotional whore. How can I become a strong woman without becoming harsh? How can I be vulnerable without drowning myself in my sorrow?

Every woman I’ve ever met feels it—something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time.

Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy.

We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought—that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain—uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

God knows that our heart is core to who we are. It is the source of all our creativity, our courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course, our love. This “wellspring of life” within us is the very essence of our existence, the center of our being. Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you.

Whatever it means to bear God’s image, you do so as a woman.

The desires that God has placed into our hearts are clues as to who we really are and the role that we are meant to play.

The desires of our heart bear a great glory because, as we will detail further in the next chapter, they are precisely where we bear the image of God.

I longed to be a part of it too. In the depths of my soul, I longed to be a part of something large and good; something that required all of me; something dangerous and worth dying for.

Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important.

we were made to be a part of a great adventure. An adventure that is shared. We do not want the adventure merely for adventure’s sake but for what it requires of us for others. We don’t want to be alone in it; we want to be in it with others.

Sometimes the idea of living as a hermit appeals to all of us. No demands, no needs, no pain, no disappointments. But that is because we have been hurt, are worn out.

As echoes of the Trinity, we remember something. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose.

We were delighting in each other’s beauty and enjoying our own. We were playing dress up for real and loving it.

This is just having female roommates lol

God has set eternity in our hearts. The longing to be beautiful is set there as well.

For others, beauty has been shamed, used, and abused. Some of you have learned that possessing beauty can be dangerous. And yet—and this is just astounding—in spite of all the pain and distress that beauty has caused us as women, the desire remains.

Many of us have hardened our hearts to this desire, the desire to be the Beauty. We, too, have been hurt so deeply in this area that we no longer identify with, perhaps even resent, the longing. But it’s there.

it’s not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more—a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are.

An external beauty without a depth of character is not t...

A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish. His pursuit draws out her beauty. And a man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man; it draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero.

Gender is a source of great dignity, and beauty, honor, and mutual respect.

Mankind is like a king or queen in exile, and we cannot be happy until we have recovered our true state.

Rather than asking, “What should a woman do—what is her role?” it would be far more helpful to ask, “What is a woman—what is her design?” and, “Why did God place Woman in our midst?”

Darkness over the deep and God’s breath hovering over the waters. (Gen. 1:2 ALTER) The breathless moment in the dark before the first notes of a great symphony or concert, a play, or an epic film.

Creation in its early stages begins like any great work of art—with uncut stone or a mass of clay, a rough sketch, a blank sheet of music.

From water and stone, to pomegranate and rose, to leopard and nightingale, creation ascends in beauty. The plot is thickening; the symphony is building and swelling, higher and higher to a crescendo.

She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish with Eve. She is the Master’s finishing touch.

Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation?

As Paul later writes, man “is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man” (1 Cor. 11:7). Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God’s final touch, his pièce de résistance.

“The whole, vast world was incomplete without me. Creation reached its finishing touch in me.”

First, you’ll discover that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance. Second, that he longs to share adventures with us—adventures you cannot accomplish without him. And finally, that God has a beauty to unveil.

Adam is yet in his innocence and full of glory. He walks with God. Nothing stands between them. They share something none of us has ever known, only longed for: an unbroken friendship, untouched by sin. Yet something is not good? Something is missing? What could it possibly be? Eve. Woman. Femininity. Wow. Talk about significance.

The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God’s vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships.

What a comfort to know that this universe we live in is relational at its core, that our God is a tenderhearted God who yearns for relationship with us.

Life changes dramatically when romance comes into our lives. Christianity changes dramatically when we discover that it, too, is a great romance.

All that human beings were intended to do here on earth—all the creativity and exploration, all the battle and rescue and nurture—we were intended to do together. In fact, not only is Eve needed, but she is desperately needed.

The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.

Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he is not there beside you . . . you are dead.

better translation therefore of ezer would be “lifesaver.” Kenegdo means “alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.”

It is she, not the warrior Aragorn, who rides with glory and speed. She is Frodo’s only hope. She is the one entrusted with his life and with him, the future of all Middle Earth. She is his ezer kenegdo.

He does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong. Neither does any woman. God is essential. He wants us to need him—desperately. Eve is essential. She has an irreplaceable role to play. And so you’ll see that women are endowed with fierce devotion, an ability to suffer great hardships, a vision to make the world a better place.

Beauty is essential to God. No—that’s not putting it strongly enough. Beauty is the essence of God.

We’re so used to evaluating everything (and everyone) by their usefulness that this thought will take a minute or two to begin to dawn on us. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful.

The reason a woman wants a beauty to unveil, the reason she asks, Do you delight in me? is simply that God does as well.

Can there be any doubt that God wants to be worshiped? That He wants to be seen, and for us to be captivated by what we see?