Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

by John Eldredge

She has known many lonely years. But Melissa has discovered romance with God, and her heart rests in him. She offers her beauty in so many ways.

She invites her husband to come closer. Beauty invites. How he responds—if he responds—is not in her hands. But still, she invites.

To possess true beauty, we must be willing to suffer.

Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarged by suffering. By saying yes when the world says no. By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they be loved in return. And by refusing to numb their pain in the myriad ways available.

Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity of spirit.

And so it is with a heart awakened to its sorrow. It is more aware, more present, and more alive, to all of the facets of life.

How do we cultivate beauty? How do we become ever more beautiful? By tending to our hearts with great care, as a master gardener tends to her work.

Our hearts need to feed on beauty to sustain them. We need times of solitude and silence. We need times of refreshment and laughter and rest. We need to listen to the voice of God in our hearts as he tells us what we need.

We have all heard it said that a woman is most beautiful when she is in love. It’s true.

We hope that it will matter, that our beauty really does make a difference. We hope there is a greater and higher Beauty, hope we are reflecting that Beauty, and hope it will triumph.

Yes, we are not yet what we long to be. But we are underway.

And unveiling beauty is our greatest expression of love, because it is what the world most needs from us.

When we choose not to hide, when we choose to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love. Jesus offers; he invites; he is present. That is how he loves. That is how we love—sincerely,

Our focus shifts from self-protection to the hearts of others. We offer Beauty so that their hearts might come alive, ...

True femininity arouses true masculinity.

In order to learn how to love him, you must first stop insisting that he fill you.

Your message to your man is either, “Sugar, you have what it takes,” or, “I don’t think you are much of a man. Want to prove me wrong?” The same is true for a woman. Your heart responds very differently to the pressure to be beautiful, “You’re going out in that?” as opposed to the assurance that you are beautiful, “Sweetheart, you look so lovely tonight.”

I’m telling you that the church has really crippled women when it tells them that their beauty is vain and they are at their feminine best when they are “serving others.” A woman is at her best when she is being a woman.

Jesus said, “Do not throw your pearls to pigs” (Matt. 7:6). By this we don’t think he was calling some people pigs. He was saying, “Look—be careful that you do not give something precious to someone who, at best, cannot recognize its beauty, or at worst, will trample on it.”

He sends the sun each day; he sends music and laughter and so many notes to our hearts. But he also says, “You will . . . find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jer. 29:13). That is a good way for a woman to live as well.

Not defiant, not hiding, but alluring and watching to see if he wants to come closer.

Like a strategic bird during mating season

Be careful you do not offer too much of yourself to a man until you have good, solid evidence that he is a strong man willing to commit.

Many a good woman makes the desperate mistake of believing that her daughter is a reflection of herself, an extension of herself, and therefore the verdict on her as a mother and as a woman.

Girls’ hearts flourish in homes where they are seen and invited to become ever more themselves.

Parents who enjoy their daughters are giving them and the world a great gift. Mothers in particular have the opportunity to offer encouragement to their daughters by inviting them into their feminine world and by treasuring their daughters’ unique beauty.

heart walk around outside of your body.

Women friends become the face of God to one another—the face of grace, of delight, of mercy.

There is often a fierce jealousy, a fiery devotion, and a great loyalty between women friends.

It is a great gift to know that you see as another sees, an immense pleasure to be understood, to enjoy the easy companionship of one you can let your guard down with.

When God gives a friend, he is entrusting us with the care of another’s heart.

We need to pay attention to each other, really see one another. That truly is the greatest gift.

For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her. Fallen Eve demands that people “come through” for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed.

To love at all is to be vulnerable.

The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell.

In fact, offering a tender vulnerability can only be done by an incredibly strong woman, a woman rooted in Christ Jesus who knows whose she is and therefore knows who she is.

How gracious that it comes by invitation. As a woman, you don’t need to strive or arrange; you don’t need to make it happen. You only need to respond.

“Security is not found in the absence of danger, but in the presence of Jesus.”

To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors, and holidays; to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, cakes, and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.1

Our Enemy despises relationship, hates love in any form, fears its redemptive power.

But as women we must hang on to this—that because of the Trinity, relationship is the most important thing in the universe.

Satan knew that to take out Adam, all he had to do was take out Eve—his ezer kenegdo. It worked rather well, and he has not abandoned the basic plan ever since.

All the Enemy has to do to destroy people’s lives is to get them isolated, a lamb separated from the flock. To do this he removes the ezers in their life.

Deborah was an advisor to Israel on matters of justice, economics, and warfare (Judg. 4–5).

She was also a teacher & spiritual authority in Israel but no one wants to talk about that

Either way, the crucial issue is this: it is as a woman you must live there. Do not be naive. The world is still deeply marred by the Fall. Men still dominate in many sinful ways (remember the curse). Women who “make it” there tend to be dominating and controlling (remember Fallen Eve). The Evil One holds sway over the world and its systems (1 John 5:19). In the world you must be as cunning as a Rahab, an Esther, a Tamar. You must walk wisely. You must not let them shape you into their view of what a woman is. You’ll end up a man. What you have to offer is as a woman. Uniquely feminine. Remember, there is nothing weak about being feminine. Above all, you must live in that world as a response to the invitation of Jesus, for you will be hurt if he has not called you there.

But God’s invitations ultimately are matters of the heart. They come through our passions, those desires set deep within us.

What is it you yearn to see happen—how do you long for the world to be a better place? What makes you so angry you nearly see red? What brings you to tears?

“The place that God calls us is that place where the world’s deep hunger and our deep desire meet.”

The life of the friends of God is a life of profound risk. The risk of loving others. The risk of stepping out and offering, speaking up and following our God-given dreams. The risk of playing the irreplaceable role that is ours to play. Of course it is hard. If it were easy, you’d see lots of women living this way.

So let’s come back then to what Peter said when he urged women to offer their beauty to others in love. This is the secret of femininity unleashed: “Do not give way to fear” (1 Peter 3:6).

We feel so deeply that if it doesn’t go well, if we are not received well, the reaction of others becomes the verdict on our lives, on our very beings, on our hearts.