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Nana looks at me as though she, too, suspects this is bang her and knock her up money. Or I want to be your sugar mama money. Or possibly I need to take you into a secret lab for official government research money. I read a lot. Don’t judge.
but D’s on a 36-inch underband look more like lemons than grapefruits.
No, they realy don't
Yes, he was so hot the sun has to wear shades to look at him. His smile could steal a thousand virginities and his dancing suggested he actually knew how to get a woman off in bed.
And if I ran the world, sexy jungle studmuffins would fall madly, desperately in love with book-smart but sexually-insecure world rulers, and they’d prostrate themselves at my feet and beg for a chance to be the one to prove to me that their thick, hard, throbbing loins held the magic elixir of transcendent orgasms.
Dancing and grinding and pleading for the chance to suckle my breasts. To slip their fingers between my legs. To feast on my pussy until they drown. To be the one man whose magic peen can cure me of my fatal case of personal ineptitude.
Oh yes, gotta have that magic peen. I'm dead here!!! Lmao
Autocorrect just autocorrected to autocunnilingus. I just told Tarzan I’m eating myself. What have I done? Does that count as sexting? I don’t know.
“I don’t want this to be about money.” “You…don’t?” That’s it. There’s something wrong with him. He has a secret turkey baster fetish or likes to lick strange women’s toes. Or he wears his loincloth on public outings. Or he’s actually a robot.
Watch out, high school reunion. I’m going to freaking own you.
Yes you are sister! Yes you are.
And my nipples, damn them—if they could fire sexy-man-snaring missiles, they would. They’re already aimed right. But knowing my nipples, they’d misfire and I’d have to explain to Judy’s now-former boss that I’m not hitting on her, it was a misfire, and yes, she’s a perfectly lovely lady worthy of being hit on, but middle-aged women who wear Christmas sweaters in July aren’t my type.
Did I say full-mast? Because now I’m picturing myself showing her exactly how not fake orgasms can be, and my cock’s trying to show the whole fucking navy how you raise a flagpole.
Nana’s right. I get off on being someone’s hero. And I’m going to hero the shit out of saving Parker.
