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I ignore the glares from my friends and type a quick reply. Yes, this is Parker. Except my phone hates me, and it autocorrects to Trying. This is Parking. Thanks, phone. Y E S, I type. Damn autocorrect. I hit send, and “Ohmygod.” “What? What?” My friends all peer around me, and I jump off my stool to keep them from seeing my screen. Autocorrect just autocorrected to autocunnilingus.
“I don’t want this to be about money.” “You…don’t?” That’s it. There’s something wrong with him. He has a secret turkey baster fetish or likes to lick strange women’s toes.

