How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

by Logan Ury

Kahneman summarized this research finding perfectly: “Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.”

I quote Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and celebrated psychiatrist. He wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This is a major point! Underline this next sentence, please: Most of us have no idea what kind of partner will fulfill us long term.

You might even enjoy stealing this idea for a “day of yes” from a friend of mine. She explained: “We went on a date in which we took turns suggesting our next move and the other person had to say yes (unless illegal or against their values).

(Don’t forget! I’m waiting for your email with the list of five things you liked about your date: 5goodthings@loganury.com.)

They should address questions like: How often do we want to see our extended families? How do we split our bills? Is sex important to us? Are we monogamous? And how do we define monogamy?

We ask each other these three questions: How was your last week? Did you feel supported by me? How can I support you in the coming week? Sometimes this Check-In flies by in under five minutes. But when we’re having an off week, the Check-In turns into a long, intimate conversation.