How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

by Logan Ury

The key to this reframe is recognizing that there’s gain even in loss. Psychologists refer to “meaning-making,” the process through which people come to understand a life event, a relationship, or themselves.

suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.”

Try to not see the breakup as a failure but, rather, as a chance to make better decisions in the future.

Instead of breaking down, break open.

In his TEDx Talk, Gary Lewandowski explained the concept of Kintsugi. It refers to a Japanese art form in which broken pottery is put back together using precious metals like gold and silver; the repaired pottery is often more beautiful than it was before it was damaged.

Sure, your relationship might leave you with a few cracks, but those cracks, those imperfections, those are sources of strength and beauty, because breakups don’t have to leave you broken, because you’re stronger than you know.”

We’d chosen to decide, not slide.

Great relationships are created, not discovered.

Even if you have a strong relationship today, your relationship may fail if you don’t adapt.

The truth is, we never stop growing and changing.

When you fill out this Relationship Contract, you should be honest, vulnerable, and willing to compromise. This is absolutely not a time to dwell on your partner’s shortcomings; nor is it the moment to make demands. The focus should not be transactional—“I’ll do the laundry if you’ll do the dishes”—but, rather, value-based—“We commit to supporting each other’s dreams and making the sacrifices necessary to enable those dreams.”

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”

I love this quotation from psychotherapist Esther Perel: “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. Relationships are your story, write well, and edit often.”

Creating this ritual lets us address what’s going on before too much time passes and too much resentment has built up.

Choose Intentional Love.

In a world of Intentional Love, you design your life, you hold yourself accountable, you are honest with yourself about who you are and what you want, and most important, you course-correct when you need to. You don’t live someone else’s idea of life, you live yours. Now go out there and live intentionally ever after.