The Failed Audition (Circus Is Family #1)

by Krista Ritchie

“If I’m a demon, then you must be the devil.” It may be the corniest thing I’ve ever said. “Maybe I am,” he replies, very deeply. “And yet, here you are.”

He is power. Man. And strength. He is charm and desire and indestructible things.

“Do you love it?” I ask him. His eyes fall as he contemplates this. “Not as much as I used to. But the circus is my only love.” “What about your family?” I think of Katya and Luka and Timo. I can tell—just by the way he protects them—that there’s a tremendous amount of love there. He smiles. “Circus is family.”

“I’d rather feed your hunger than watch you starve, and you’re foolish if you say no.”

His bedroom eyes are things made from sin.

“What does that mean?” I ask softly. “Myshka?” His eyes search mine, hypnotic, soulful. Ones that tether me here, to him. And his lips close over my cheek before drifting to my ear. “Little mouse.”

I’ve slowly been snipping lifelines since I’ve been here, but some of them are harder to cut than others. Some of them hurt more. There’s no other truth but that.

Timo licks his bottom lip and laughs. “You want me to be single, John?” This took a turn. I stare between them, my eyes pinging back and forth with intrigue. John puts the beer to his lips. “I’m out of your league, Timo.”

“Don’t stare into his eyes!” John shouts to me. “Little parts of you will die inside!” He almost lifts my spirits. A smile stretches Timo’s beautiful features. “So you’re admitting to feeling something from me, John?!” John glares. “Death. I feel death!” Timo whistles, but I can’t hear the sound from the pop song. “That’s a strong feeling.”

His lips suddenly meet mine with force and urgency, his hands wrapping around my small frame like he’s wanted to hold me all night. My heart explodes. I explode, his tongue parting my lips in the fieriest kiss, one that grips my core. One that knocks my back into the shelves.

“But I realized something tonight.” His eyes hold so many painful, conflicting truths. Realities that I need to meet. “I realized that it’s too late. I distract you—you distract me. And since I don’t want to distance myself from you, there’s only one option.” His gaze flits to my lips, and he kisses me tenderly, my body winding tight.

“Am I a mistake—” “No, myshka. You’re just the unexpected, beautiful thing in my life.”

I’ve found that life is a series of crossroads, dead-ends and U-turns. There is no real destination. There is no goal to end all goals. As long as we’re living, we’ll always keep driving.

A date, I realize. I’m going on a date with the devil.

If his eyes are hell, his tongue is heaven, and I would gladly return.

There are moments that do not belong to us. Lives that we can only see fragments of, and as painful as it is to say goodbye to the whole picture, we’re not supposed to have it anymore.

We all traverse in and out of people’s worlds, leaving footprints. Some larger, some smaller, but there is always a mark. We can’t sweep it away.

his. “The things greater than us, Thora, they’re not impossible. It’s just fear talking, telling you that you can’t when you can. I know you can.”

“I’d help you every day so that you could see a better tomorrow. I will never give you less than that.”

“Hey, John, remember when you told me you fuck a Kotova and you go directly to hell?” My eyes dart from him and Timo’s closed door, the suggestion hopefully clear. “I’m currently in hell.” He glowers. “I realize that. Thanks for reminding me, Thora.” I swear the corner of his lips curve upward as he passes me, unable to suppress the burgeoning happiness. “You love it in hell, John?” I laugh into a bigger smile. He spins around, walking backwards to the elevators, and he says, “All my friends are here. So it beats everywhere else.” Friends. He admitted to having multiple friends. My cheeks hurt. He turns around, back facing me, and waves. “Night, Thora. Keep making stupid decisions.” “Night, John.” And he disappears around the corner.

“With her, and only with her, the dead in me is alive.”

I look up at him again. Masculine, his hair disheveled in the wind. His jaw unshaven. His eyes piercingly gray. The moment he meets my ogling gaze, his lips curve up. “You’re supposed to stare at me like I’m a devil, not a god.”

“Don’t love me more than your dreams, myshka. Because I love you too much to let you give them up for me.”

train someone else—I can see how it’d be easier to hire me. “What’s the second thing?” I ask. “Every day you’re on stage, prove them wrong.” I nod again, tears rolling. Prove them wrong. “That you deserved to be here from the start. That they made a mistake, that you and only you, Thora James, my little mouse…my demon—were meant for this role.”

“But I’ve found the truest form of love,” he tells me. “It’s two loves that can live in harmony.” He looks down at me. I stare up at him. My heart on an ascent. “The circus and you,” he whispers, “amour amour.” Two loves. Two passions. At perfect balance. I finally feel it too.

Camila growls in frustration. “You just downed the John Ruiz is a gloomy, pessimistic—” “Old man,” Timo finishes with a blinding smile. He slings his arm around John’s shoulders. Camila’s lips immediately rise with mine. It’s hard not to smile at the sight of them, both wearing green glow necklaces. Taken. It’s official. John acknowledges Timo with the roll of his eyes. “All true except the old man, kid.” He stands up straighter and kisses Timo in hello.

I’m average. I’ve been average most of my life, but there are moments where I feel extraordinary. Invincible. Able to conquer any fear and step outside any box. There is no illusion, no fantasy. I can climb a forty-foot pole. I can fly eighty-feet in the air. I can be taller than tall. It’s a dream that I’m living. Every day. With him.