The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

by Debra Fine

When you comment on someone’s response, they will be prompted to say something in return. Use it as connecting fuel.

With creative usage of these three elements (questions, follow-up comments, follow-up questions), the possibilities and variations in conversation are virtually limitless. As long as you stay focused on the conversation, you can keep it going.

Don’t be afraid of looking dumb or saying the wrong thing. Laughing at yourself is the best way to develop a sense of humor (if you don’t already have one) and, at the same time, make people feel less threatened by you. Every conversation is an opportunity to connect.

People part with their money for two reasons: to solve a problem and to attain good feelings.

in the corporate world, if you want a promotion but come across as aloof or reserved, you’ll be overlooked in favor of someone who has warm “people skills”—skills that make others feel good about being around them.

Use small talk as a picture frame around business conversations. Begin and end with small talk when making a presentation to a client, selling a widget, negotiating a contract, providing a service, or conferencing with your child’s teacher.

Express empathy. Everyone is entitled to be listened to, even when in the wrong.

Greet people warmly, make eye contact, and smile. Be the first to say hello. Be careful, you might be viewed as a snob if you are not the first to say hello.

Use the person’s name in conversation. You are more likely to get special treatment by using the person’s name.

Show an interest in others. In response to our high-tech environment of e-mail and fax broadcasts, we need “high touch” more than ever.

Dig deeper. When you engage in a conversation, don’t leave it too quickly.

• Be a good listener. That means making eye contact and responding with verbal cues to show you hear what the speaker says.

Instead of advice, give understanding with simple phrases like I know you can work out a solution or I hope the job hunt goes well for you. Offer advice only when you are specifically asked for it.

Don’t give up if you run into trouble. Calvin Coolidge once said, “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men of talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”