In My Dreams I Hold a Knife

by Ashley Winstead

I wanted them to see perfection. I ached for it in the deep, dark core of me: to be so good I left other people in the dust.

But no matter how much I tried to cling to the shining jewels of my accomplishments, it never took long before my shadow list surfaced.

I never could tell which story was right—Exceptional Jessica, or Mediocre Jessica. My life was a narrative I couldn’t parse, full of conflicting evidence.

Meanwhile, I had to hide where I came from, my family’s lack of money, my father’s…situation.

???

“I’m telling you upfront. I need more. I need you over and over. So this is your out. Take it. Otherwise you’re mine, the way it should have been.”

screaming omg