How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

by Katy Milkman

An ideal time to consider pursuing change is after a fresh start.

Fresh starts increase your motivation to change because they give you either a real clean slate or the impression of one; they relegate your failures more cleanly to the past; and they boost your optimism about the future. They can also disrupt bad habits and lead you to think bigger picture about your life.

Fresh starts can be calendar dates that mark new beginnings (a new year, season, month, or week), birthdays, or anniversaries. They can also be triggered by meaningful life events, such as a health scare or a move to a new town. And finally, resets—when the metrics you’re using t...

A particularly effective time to encourage other people—employees, friends, or family members—to pursue positive change is after fresh starts.

Mary Poppins has it right. When goal pursuit is made instantly gratifying by adding “an element of fun,” present bias can be overcome.

Temptation bundling entails allowing yourself to engage in a guilty pleasure (such as binge-watching TV) only when pursuing a virtuous or valuable activity that you tend to dread (such as exercise).

Temptation bundling solves two problems at once. It can help reduce overindulgence in temptations and increase time spent on activi...

Gamification is another way to make goal pursuit inst...

Gamification works when players “buy in” to the game. It can backfire if players feel the game is being imposed on them.

Present bias often causes us to procrastinate on tasks that serve our long-term goals.

An effective solution to this problem is to anticipate temptation and create constraints (“commitment devices”) that disrupt this cycle. Whenever you do something that reduces your own freedoms in the service of a greater goal, you’re using a commitment device.

Public pledges are a form of “soft” commitment that increase the psychological cost of failing to meet your goals. They are surprisingly effective, though not as effective as “hard” commitments, which involve more tangible penalties or restrictions.

The costs we can impose on ourselves to help with goal achievement range from soft penalties (such as announcing goals or deadlines publicly) to hard penalties (such as having to hand over cash should we fail).

There are also soft re...

The softer the penalty or restriction, the less likely it is to help with change, but the more palatable it is to adopt.

Making smaller, more frequent commitments is more effective than making larger, less frequent ones, even when they amount to the same commitment (like saving 5 dollars a day as opposed to 1,825 dollars a year).

Not everyone recognizes how much they could benefit from a commitment device. Those who don’t (“naïfs”) tend to overestimate their ability to avoid temptation with willpower alone. Those who do (“sophisticate...

Sometimes we flake out and fail to follow through on our intentions. Flake out has many causes, including laziness, distraction, and forgetting. Forgetting may be the easiest of these obstacles to overcome.

Timely reminders, which prompt you to do something right before you’re meant to do it, can effectively combat forgetting. Reminders that aren’t as timely have far smaller benefits.

Forming cue-based plans is another way to combat forgetting. These plans link a plan of action with a cue and take the form “When ___ happens, I’ll do ___.” Cues can be anything that triggers your memory, from a specific time or location to an object you expect to encounter. An example of a cue-based plan is, “...

The more distinctive the cue, the more likely it is t...

Prompting people to form cue-based plans is particularly useful when they are unlikely to have already formed plans and when forgetting is a make-or-break affair ...

Planning also has other benefits: It helps you break your goals into bite-size chunks, relieves you of the need to think about what you’ll do in the moment, and acts like a pledge to yourse...

If you form too many cue-based plans at once, you may be discouraged and your commitment may dwindle. So be choosy about which goals you’ll plan for at any given time.

When plans get too complex to remember easily, rely on checklists.

Laziness, or the tendency to follow the path of least resistance, can stand in the way of change.

A default is the outcome you’ll get if you don’t actively choose another option (such as the standard factory settings that come with a new computer). If you select defaults wisely (say, setting your browser’s homepage to your work email instead of Facebook), you can turn laziness into an asset that facilitates change (say, wasting less time on social media).

Habits are like default settings for our behavior. They put good behavior on autopilot. The more you repeat an action in familiar circumstances and receive some reward (be it praise, relief, pleasure, or cold hard cash), the more hab...

Too much rigidity is the enemy of a good habit. By allowing for flexibility in your routines, your autopilot can become flexible, too. You will find you respond consistently even under unideal circumstances...

Tracking your behavior can facilitate habit building. It helps you avoid forgetting to follow through and ensures that you celebrate your successes a...

Aim for streaks. Anything more than a short lapse in a behavior you hope to make habitual (say, multiple missed visits to the gym, as opposed to just one) can keep a new...

Piggybacking new habits on old ones can help with habit formation. Link whatever you hope to start doing regularly (such as push-ups or eating fruit) with something you already do habitually (such as ...

Self-doubt can keep you from making progress on your goals or prevent you from setting goals in the first place.

Giving people unsolicited advice can undermine their confidence. But asking them to give advice builds confidence and helps them think through strategies for achieving their goals. Giving advice can also help us act, because it can feel hypocritical not to do the things we advise other people to do.

Consider forming advice clubs with friends or colleagues attempting to achieve similar goals or consider becoming a mentor to someone. By giving (solicited) feedback to others, you can boost your confidence and un...

Your expectations shape your reality. So, convey to people that you believe in their potential, and surround yourself with mentors who se...

Set ambitious goals (say, exercising every day) but allow yourself a limited number of emergency passes when you slip up (say, two per week). That strategy can help you stay confident and on track ...

Adopting a “growth mind-set”—recognizing that abilities, including intelligence, are not fixed and that effort influences a person’s potential—can help you bounce back from setbacks. You can...

Focus on personal experiences that make you feel successful or proud. This kind of self-affirmation makes you more resili...

When you’re facing self-doubt or uncertainty about how to proceed, a powerful way the people around you can help boost your capacity and confidence is by showing you what’s possible.

Your decisions are heavily influenced by the norms in your peer group, so it’s important to be in good company when you hope to achieve big goals, and it can be harmful to have peers who are low achievers.

Just describing what behavior is typical (assuming it’s a desirable behavior) can be an effective way to help other people ch...

The closer you are to someone, and the more their situation resembles your own, the more likely you are to b...

Although some peer influence will rub off on you effortlessly, you can supercharge positive peer effects deliberately. Do this by watching peers who have managed to achieve whatever goal you hope to achieve and then copying and pasting their methods.

Because you care about gaining peer approval, feeling watched by groups of other people changes your behavior.

To use peer visibility to promote change without creating blowback, rather than publicly shaming people for undesirable behavior, give them the c...

If a behavior is merely growing in popularity, rather than an existing norm, sharing information about that upward t...

If the achievements of your peers feel vastly out of reach, witnessing or learning about social norms can discourage you from pursui...

Social pressure can be used to coerce people. So, before using social norms to influence friends, family, or coworkers, take ...

If you notice someone using social pressure on you in a way that makes you nervous, slow down, dodge face-to-face interactions with that person, and talk with a devil’s advocate to improve you...