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“I’ll sit next to Mom, you sit next to LJ since you two will be bickering the whole time and I’ll be caught in the crosshairs. LJ, switch with me.” My glare intensified at his triumphant smile. “I guess I’ll do it for you, Quinn. Don’t forget this.”
Other than a few failed footsie moments, dinner was uneventful. It was full of laughter, jokes, amazing food, and three of my favorite people in the world—scratch that. My favorite people.
Maybe keeping this all quiet was for the best. At least when it ended I might still be welcomed into this place that had become my second home—hell, my only true home.
I loved how easily she fit in with my family.
“Please, I’m the queen of don’t-even-think-about-dating-that-guy relationships, remember?” Liv and Ford had been a big fucking deal to her older brother,
“You two have been foreplaying for at least a decade.”
“We’ve been friends for a long time, but I’ve been burned before when it comes to expecting too much from the people in my life. You can’t be disappointed if you don’t have expectations.”
We’ve known each other since I was a kid. I was crazy about him from afar for forever. We had a kiss and then he broke my heart. Short of a mallet to the head, he was the most stubborn guy ever when it came to us hooking up.”
there was a piece of me that wanted to be the ultimate football girlfriend. It wanted to let him handle everything and stop fighting so damn hard to put distance between us and asserting my independence. To just give in. And it made me hate myself for even entertaining the idea. It felt like the code was written into my DNA by my mom; one slip and I’d transform into her, bitter and angry when it all fell apart.
It was better to be with him than to be apart thinking about all the things being with him meant.
He reached for the s’more and I pulled it away a little getting him to come closer. He came with it and grabbed for the chocolate and peanut butter treat, coming out of his seat. When he did, I popped up and kissed him.
I’d told him to tell me if there was a problem. I’d made him promise me that going to dinners wouldn’t be an issue and I’d told him that he didn’t have to come at all, but he insisted. I needed to believe that he’d tell me the truth—eventually.
Did I say it was freezing out here? The way he looked at me reached deep inside my chest and started a mini bonfire right on my heart.
“Marisa hasn’t talked to her dad about it?” “I haven’t told her.”
“Is no one else going to say it? Really? Fine. LJ’s been sidelined by your dad for ninety percent of our games... because of you.”
“Maybe she’s afraid that’s the only reason you’re still hanging around. Or like she’s an insurance policy in case your dad gets sick again.”
Cold fingers of dread and distress trickled down my spine. I’d never wanted her to feel like anything I felt for her had to do with her saving my dad’s life.
“If you didn’t go to dinner, he wouldn’t sign off on your tuition and maybe you’d have to transfer again or not finish school.” It had been a floundering Hail Mary pass to keep her in school, to make sure I didn’t have to suffer through another year like I had freshman year. I’d just wanted three more years to spend together before we were officially adults.
Sometimes she did need help and protection and I wanted to be the one she turned to.
“We’re not finished.” “We sure as hell are.”
A perfect little family. He got to play house while trying to destroy the closest thing I’d ever had to a home.
“All I was trying—” “You were trying to take away the only person who’s ever truly loved me because you’re jealous. I thought I hated you before, but you’ve sunk to a whole new level.”
them.” “It’s every other weekend. When Nora has the kids.” His lips pinched and his head
“And he’d stop me if he knew. He didn’t want to tell me why he wasn’t playing because for some insane reason,” I smacked my hands against my forehead, “he didn’t want me to hate you. He wanted me to make up my own mind without his interference. He was trying to give you a chance and you threw it away with some macho ‘now I decide I’m your father’ bullshit.”
“He’s my friend. My best friend. The best friend anyone could ever have.”
“You can choose to be a real father to me just this once.” I held one finger up in the air, but not the one I wanted. “And do the right thing. Or you can start that new family over with Nora and pretend I never existed, because I’ll only ever think of you as dead.”
Inside, I figured I’d hear grilling, drinking and laughing going on, but it seemed the party was over. Another thing ruined because of me.
“When will you understand that this isn’t a missed football game or forgetting to pick me up from school? This is never being there for me. My parents have never been there for me. My mom isn’t capable of taking care of herself, let alone me, and Ron cut out when I was just old enough to miss him. My parents aren’t your parents, and not every parent deserves a second chance—or even a first chance. Sometimes drawing that line is the best thing you can do to protect yourself.”
LJ’s arms enveloped me and held me tight against his chest. I clung to him like I’d stop breathing if I let go.
I didn’t want you to hate him and I didn’t want you to not be able to pay tuition. I didn’t want you to have to leave again.”
With one look, he made me feel a kind of wanted I’d never felt before and didn’t know if I’d feel it again.
“I love you, Marisa.” This wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but this time it felt different. It felt heart-stoppingly, soul-scorchingly different.
“Change up to the starting line-up today. Lewis is swapped in for the start. Everything else stays the same.”
Marisa laughed in the kitchen talking with Jules until Berk joined them. But now they’d both disappeared, probably making out somewhere.
Jules had been anonymously sharing. Well, Jules had been anonymous. Berk had been going crazy trying to figure out who was sending them, and, lo and behold, it was our sweet as pie, curvy, quiet neighbor across the street.
I wanted to shout about her from the rooftops, and I couldn’t. Marisa didn’t want to bring down the accusations and behind-our-back whispers about why I was playing now.
Even though I couldn’t hear her laugh from where I was, I saw it, and it had been ingrained in my brain.
“Stop acting like you’re the one who won’t be going to Italy at the end of this summer.” Saying it out loud hurt.
Instead, at the bottom of my account balance was a big, bold $0. Checking through the transactions on my account, I saw that the last entry was a staff tuition waiver applied yesterday. He’d done it. Ron had turned it in.
His excitement increased with every new step in this plan he was creating. A plan where I didn’t go to Italy. A plan where we’d be together. But what happened if all that changed and I wasn’t by his side every step of the way? What if I left for two years and he was here being a pro football player and forgetting all about me?
He saw everything. As much as I wanted to be horrified, the fact that we’d been tiptoeing around this for nearly two months and still hadn’t learned to close the door was pretty hilarious.
Maybe he didn’t think it made sense now, but in five months, after we’d graduated, it would. Once the real world intruded and we began to drift apart.
Berk was at Jules’s more and more.
I’d leave for the last combine before the draft tomorrow. I’d gotten the invitation.
She loved Jules, but had yet to say it back to me since I’d said it to her in November. I couldn’t say it didn’t hurt.
It was time for me to tell her this wasn’t junior high and high school love. This was a crazy, can’t-imagine-my-life-without-her kind of love.
Not traveling since the championship had made it easy to forget how much being away from her sucked.
“You could’ve borrowed my car.” She whirled around, stalking toward me. “Who are you and what have you done with LJ?”
The future fog cleared when she looked at me. All the hazy uncertainty crystalized, and it felt like there wasn’t anything to worry about. One smile. One laugh. One look.
“Thank you for tonight. It was perfect.” “Anytime.” All the time. I’d take her to every art exhibit I could get my hands on, once I signed on the dotted line.
