Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #2)

by Matt Dinniman

“The AI loves Carl’s tootsies,”

Human You’re already a human. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess you don’t need a description.

Somewhere in there, deep, deep down, there is a spark of the old Heather. The beloved bear has moments of lucidity as she runs down her terrified prey. In those brief moments, she thinks: Good. I’ve always hated all you assholes, anyway.

The on-fire bear shrieked and started roller skating at me.

Now, if you’ve never had a flaming, skull-faced bear on roller skates barreling at you full speed, you don’t know what you’re missing.

“Cats don’t drink cocktails,” I said. “Cats don’t shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl.

you had a small segment of society who believed really crazy things. Like aliens walked among the people and that lizard folk had taken over the highest levels of government. You know what I’m talking about, right?” “I do,” I said. “But they don’t seem so crazy now, do they? You guys were walking around among us.” Mordecai scoffed. “Yeah, but not the reptilians. Those guys run a shadow government? Please. The last reptilian I knew couldn’t even properly run a fantasy football league.

If a government is afraid of what its people say, then maybe there’s a reason for it.”

“Maybe we should have tested them first,” she said. “That’s what they’re gonna put on my tombstone.”