Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #2)

by Matt Dinniman

Now, if you’ve never had a flaming, skull-faced bear on roller skates barreling at you full speed, you don’t know what you’re missing.

We are guest stars, Carl. It’s too dangerous for a show to have guest stars that are more interesting than the main character. That’s why they killed Barb on Stranger Things.

New Achievement! Yellow-Bellied Chickenshit! You initiated a boss battle, and it somehow ended with neither of you dead. What a disappointment you are. What a goddamned smear. Reward: Pussies don’t get prizes.

“Cats don’t drink cocktails,” I said. “Cats don’t shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”

But I knew if we were going to be waving a dead hooker around, odds were good the town guards would get involved.

You have killed a ranking NPC town official. *Sniff* It seems like just yesterday you were nothing but a scared, level-1 crawler with beautiful feet, pissing yourself as you faced down a rat. Now look at you. You’ve moved all the way up to political assassinations. What’s next? Killing a god?

I should’ve remained true to myself. We all die anyway. How can we make it to heaven if god doesn’t recognize us?”

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