Single On Purpose: Prioritizing Self-Love and Personal Growth in Your Journey Through Life, Dating, and Relationships

by John Kim

Through working out and movement, I build a better relationship with my body. I relieve stress, burn fat, and build muscle, but most important, I feel more comfortable in my body. That leads to feeling more whole, more confident, and, ultimately, more sexy.

And anything that makes you feel alive can also make you feel sexy.

try to see sex as a form of self-expression. Not just a means to having an orgasm. Sex is a shared space where you get to know and connect to another person but also to yourself. And the more you do that, the more you are fulfilling your sexual need and the sexier you feel.

But masturbation can be more than that. It can be a way to know yourself. Our bodies change.

Masturbation can be a way to connect to yourself and your desires. So use it to explore, not just to “rub one out.”

But I also use it to explore my body, to get comfortable with myself, to discover new likes and how I want to be touched. I use it to check in with myself and my sexual needs.

But the more trust you and your partner build, the safer the space for the two of you to explore your sexiness. Masturbation can be a shared experience that makes both people feel sexy.

Remember, it’s a process, and it gets easier the more you practice it. But to keep your pistons pumping, they must be threaded into your daily life as your lifestyle, not just as a once-in-a-while thing.

Since we don’t want to be single forever, we make sure we’re looking and feeling the best that we can. Inside and out. We do our best to build a sense of confidence and to feel sexy.

When you’re in a relationship, you have a responsibility to continue to take care of yourself, and feeling confident and sexy is part of that. That is your responsibility, not your partner’s. Yes, that person may love you, but remember: love is a choice. Your partner is choosing to love you, but that doesn’t mean they find you just as attractive as they did at first. You should not stop doing everything you were doing to take care of yourself when you got into the relationship. You should actually be doing more.

Just as we’re responsible for our own happiness in our relationship, we are also responsible for how we look and feel about ourselves. That is not your partner’s responsibility.

Neglecting your appearance can flip the switch and change the entire dynamic of the relationship. Remember, attraction is not a constant. If you want your partner to continue to be attracted to you, you have to continue to work on being attractive.

That’s why it’s important to lay these tracks when you’re single and build up some momentum by making every aspect of self-care part of your daily routine. The more confident and connected you feel to yourself now, the more you will be bringing to the table in your next relationship and the less pressure you will put on your partner and the relationship to make you feel better about yourself. You’re not taking care of yourself for someone else. You are taking care of yourself for you. Everything ripples out from that.

If we can’t find closure, we don’t allow ourselves to let go and actually live in the present.

where her own desire to know was coming from and why it was so important to her.

“Closure” requires nothing from the other person involved. It does not require an answer, an apology, or an explanation. If it did, very few people would truly be able to move on because most relationships end unsettled and unresolved.

Closure is a process. It is a journey. Some days you will reflect on what happened and have strong feelings about it. On other days you won’t. As with any loss, the intensity of your feelings will go up and down and those feelings will come and go. Until they go more than they come.

Closure means making a decision to let go of their journey and focus on your own.

Because there is no time line or finish line with closure.

Closure is not a door. It is a bridge. To a new and better “less shit-carrying more living in the present with more capacity to love” you.

Usually what we believe we need from someone else is tightly tied to a belief about ourselves. About our worth. Or our ability to love. It’s the proof that we are attractive or lovable.

What I needed was an identity.

Closure to me meant finding an identity and building a sense of worth. It took me nearly a decade and a total rebirth. But new definitions come with a new sense of self. And that’s when your life can really change.

When we chase old feelings, experiences, and definitions, we are not allowing new ones in. I hadn’t been aware of being stuck in old ways of loving.

beauty is no longer skin-deep. Beauty is about soul and capacity. It starts with kindness.

Beauty is about not being judgmental, about depth, about awareness of self and your effect on others through your words and actions. It’s about thoughtfulness, support, communication, banter, eye contact. Beauty lies in having your own life.

In love and appreciation for your body, in having an open mind, in being open to different perspectives and opinions, in trying to understand before trying to be understood. Beauty is being gentle but strong, careful with your words, and able to forgive right away instead of holding on to resentment. Beauty is honest and consistent communication. Beauty is not complaining, not seeing yourself as a victim, not making everything about you. Beauty is lining up your actions with your words, practicing gratitude and compassion, believing in things greater than yourself, standing for something, giving people the benefit of the doubt even though you’ve been hurt many times. Beauty is also being able to draw strong healthy boundaries with a Sharpie instead of chalk. Beauty is the fire in your belly flamed daily by action. Beauty is vulnerability, commitment, consis...

Love becomes a process.

Love is not a constant.

Attraction is a flash in the pan. Love will be around long after those flames burn out.

The moment when you realize you were heard.

Because love is not a constant, and if you see it that way, your love will always flat-line. Love is its own living breathing thing that you must allow to constantly grow and evolve and take new shape as you grow and evolve and take new shape.

What’s important is that you share the process with each other so you’re doing life with and not around each other.

Happy is a state we can produce today.

Happy is also not a constant.

You can have meaning in your life without a sense of purpose. Meaning just means whatever matters to you with where you’re at in your life right now.

What matters to you also includes relationships, friendships, and even what you want to eat for lunch, if that’s meaningful to you today.

No matter how big or small, if it’s meaningful to you, you should invest in it.

Meaning lines up with your truth and who you are.

If it’s honest to you, it’s meaningful. And if it’s meaningful to you, it matters.

I find meaning in my fitness. I use it to connect to my body.

Today, if it’s not meaningful to me, I’m not interested. I won’t go back to living an unsubstantial life.

Hanging your life on meaning allows you to be less angry and resentful.

When you do things that truly matter to you, that line up with your truth and your story, you not only live closer to your potential but you become lighter, and lighter turns into happier.

quicksand. Finding good in bad. You have to train your brain to stop putting up impossible barriers to finding joy and discover it in what you have today. This is where mindfulness and gratitude come into play. To become more aware and more grateful, start by training your brain to find joy in little things.

You can find them every single day by practicing the art of producing joy.

The joy of a quiet morning moment sipping fresh hot coffee. Not thinking about anything but just being present and taking in the moment, using all my senses. Waking up slowly.

The joy of my daily sweat. Moving and connecting to my body, feeling the dopamine from pushing myself mentally as well as physically.

The joy of learning about self-betterment and the human condition through audiobooks and videos.

Many of us forget that a rich colorful life doesn’t just happen. We have to engage in it for color to appear, and it requires effort and intention.