Lilac

by B.B. Reid

Fucking her hadn’t been planned. Wanting more was the most shocking surprise of all.

Whenever Loren wasn’t getting his way, the social butterfly tucked his wings and cocooned himself in hate. His absence was his way of punishing the world for not appreciating him enough. The crestfallen look on Braxton’s face told me it was working flawlessly. For once, she didn’t try to hide it, meeting both of our gazes before disappearing inside the bedroom. The sound of the lock sliding into place echoed through me. I turned to Rich. He was watching the closed door at the end of the hall like he was debating whether to go after her or not. Feeling my stare, he turned to me. “Find him.”

“Sorry, were you going somewhere?” the sarcastic ass finally spoke. With sleep adding an extra dose of gruffness to his voice, my reaction was the same as drinking fine liquor. My belly warmed, and I was drunk instantly. If I were standing right now, I’d be swaying on my feet and then lying about the cause to keep my dignity.

“You fucked Houston,” he reminded me, but there was no anger in his voice. “And I’m not sure what you did with Rich, but, baby, I’m pissed.” “We weren’t exclusive.” “And now we’ll never be.” I felt him skim his lips over my shoulder. “We can still have some fun, though.”

“Fuck you.” I turned my head away to stare at the drawn curtain. “Just say when as long as the answer is now.” From my peripheral, I could see him smiling down at me. He knew the effect his smile had on me. He knew how often it got me wet.

Leaning down, he brushed the tips of our noses together and then our lips. I hated how sweet his kisses were. They were the dangerous kind. The ones that convinced you to put up with more than you should. “I really am sorry, baby.”

“Cool, so when we kill each other?” I dug my nails into his naked back. “You’re going to be nice, remember?” Loren rolled his eyes, and then slowly, his demeanor changed. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him look so defeated as he stared at the bedspread beneath me. “Tell that to them,” he mumbled.

“Why are you asking questions that are none of your business?” “That’s your perspective. It’s not mine.” “Cut it out, Brax. I fucking mean it. No more questions and no more pretending you care. None of us are going to fall in love with you.” Jesus. Every day, Houston gave me a new motive to murder him. I wondered if there was a time when he wasn’t so arrogant. I doubted it.

I could already feel Houston’s kiss intensifying the ache Loren had started between my legs. We both still had morning breath, for fuck’s sake, but it didn’t matter when he was this close. I was trapped against the counter with his hands on my hips. The tiny shorts I wore did nothing to protect me from his warmth. Houston was a blazing inferno, and I was the match that lit him. “Last chance, Braxton.” “Go to hell, Houston.”

He kissed me slowly and gently. The way he stroked my tongue with his reminded me of lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed with the sheets twisted around our tangled legs.

Houston was suspicious and fearing the worst. Loren was still convinced he only wanted to get his dick wet. He claimed he was allergic to commitment, but I think he craved it more than he knew.

Loren looked at Braxton like she fed his soul, and he was eagerly waiting for just a little more.

“Headstrong” by Trapt started to play, and Houston turned up the volume. I was pretty sure he was trying to drown out the sound of Loren and Braxton making out in the back seat. It didn’t matter how high he cranked the volume, though. We were too tuned in to every move they made. Even now, I could hear clothes rustling, followed by Braxton’s soft sighs.

Braxton was no longer hiding that she was attracted to all of us. Before we left, she’d kissed me good morning while Houston and Loren looked on. I saw their jealousy when she pulled away, but they hadn’t said a word. I didn’t know what it meant that we weren’t acting on it. We’ve never so much as double-dipped inside of a groupie, and now we were sharing our guitarist?

At some point, as we made our way through the park and for no reason at all, Braxton slipped her hand in mine. I wasn’t sure if she planned it or was just caught up in the moment, but I didn’t let go. If she noticed my tension, she didn’t comment on it. She was thoroughly enthralled by the guide’s boring facts about fucking flamingos. I glanced at Houston, who was currently hiding behind his black shades. I could tell by the set of his lips that he’d noticed, and he wasn’t thrilled. Braxton wasn’t only defying orders. She was risking it getting out that we were making more than just music behind closed doors. Liking the fact that she’d chosen me to make her stand, I tightened my grip. Houston could kill me and then pry her from my dead body if he wanted me to let go.

Knowing that when Braxton found out about my wife, she would never forgive me, I loosened my grip. When I started to pull away, Braxton’s head turned, and then she was staring up at me, a question in that deceptively innocent gaze. My heart began to pound out of control. Fuck. She had me. She so fucking had me.

In case anyone was wondering…no. I have no idea what I’m doing. Being around them, I seemed to have developed this habit where I say one thing and do another. I was more than fine with the sex, but I was starting to think that it wouldn’t be enough.

“Stop pouting.” Loren never looked so offended in his life. “Come again?” “None of you are entitled to me. I decide who gets me when I want to be had. You want something from me? Convince me you’re worth the time. Otherwise, suck it up. You might be used to getting your way, but I’m your new reality.”

“Let’s get something straight,” he whispered darkly against my lips. “I’m the only one who had the balls to admit wanting you. Houston still denies you because you’ll always come second to Bound, and Rich…you might want to open your eyes, baby. He’ll never belong to you.” I refused to let him see that he was getting to me. Everything he’d just said was everything I feared. “You might be right, but you’re also the only one who forced me to listen to him as he fucked someone else.” In his eyes, I saw his guilt and the acceptance that he’d screwed our chance before we ever knew we wanted it before he pushed me away.

None of us spoke during the drive back to the bus. There was no handholding, kisses, or secret touches. Houston didn’t look at me, not even to make me squirm. Rich, on the other hand, couldn’t stop watching me as if he expected me to shatter at any moment. Maybe I would. Loren’s anger and accusations filled me with bitterness and insecurity until I slowly came to my senses. I could never have all three of them.

Seducing them was the easy part. What happens in the unlikely event that sex is no longer enough? What if I fell for one of them or worse…all of them? What. Happens. Then? The only thing messier than sex was feelings. Do I ask three men used to playing dirty to share me? How would I convince them? How would I convince myself? I’m not sure many women would jump at the chance. In theory, my body reacted in favor of it. Reality, however, was a judgmental bitch.

Making the sensible choice wasn’t something I was used to. I gave up my innocence, knowing what it meant for my soul. I left home accepting that I may never fit in. I joined Bound, knowing that my bandmates hated me. I’ve filled my existence with challenges. They gave me purpose, a reason to keep fighting until the bloody end, and a distraction from the knowledge that nothing was waiting on the other side. I could live now and forget it all later.

Loren pushed through gritted teeth. Brows dipped and nostrils flaring, his breathing turned heavy from the exertion not to grab Brax and shake her until she was pliant. He’d calmed down on the drive home and even looked like he wanted to take it all back. He didn’t count on Braxton deciding for everyone that it was too late.

“Don’t tell me how to deal with a decision that didn’t include me,” I snapped at my best friend. “This is your fucking fault.” “When she wanted in, we didn’t give her that,” he shot back. “The least we could do now that she wants distance is to respect her wishes, Lo.”

“I have a better plan,” Rich said slowly. He looked to Houston and then to me, and I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever the fuck came out of his mouth. “We share her.”

Eyes shut, left arm tucked underneath my head, I listened to Braxton’s nails click against her phone screen as she texted her friends. I knew it could be no one else. She didn’t seem to have a lot of people in her corner, and we were planning to change that the moment she let us in.

The bitter truth is that my feet were firmly planted. I couldn’t walk away from my friends as easily as I’d done my parents. It’s why I hated them so much. I loved them just as deeply. No matter how much Houston and Rich hurt me, I’d keep coming back for more. The three of us were toxic as fuck, together and apart, but we were all we had. It hadn’t always been like this, and I think remembering all the good is why we stayed through the bad.

It wasn’t until a low whimper drew my attention that I spotted Braxton on the couch, naked as the day she was born, red hair cascading down her back, and straddling my goddam pillow. I knew it was mine because of the dark-green pillowcase. “Holy shit,” I heard Rich whisper like a virgin. I don’t know why he bothered to conceal his presence. Braxton knew we were here. She planned this.

“What the hell is she doing?” Houston asked no one in particular. Without taking my eyes off Braxton, I answered my best friend. “She’s upping the ante.” I was willing to give whatever at this point to make her mine. Ours. Whatever.

“You think I need you to win over Brax?” “I think you know she won’t just choose one of us. She won’t risk what it will do to our friendship.” Or what’s left of it. “It’s all or nothing with Brax.”

Loren began to roll up as we watched TV, and after a few tokes, he passed it to Houston, who surprisingly accepted. I was next, and just like that, a rotation began. So much for sobriety. Back then, we indulged here and there to keep moving when life was just too much to handle sober. It wasn’t until Calvin was beyond saving that we realized we couldn’t bear losing each other that way. It wouldn’t be quick. It wouldn’t be sudden. It would be slow and agonizing. It meant being helpless while one or all of us withered away. I hated Everill’s guts, and it had still ripped me apart to see him destroy himself. So we gave it all up—the weed, the pills, the alcohol, and the coke.

“Tell us who he is so you can watch us beat the shit out him.” “Why would you do that?” As Loren spoke, his hand caressed my lower belly, drawing heat there and filling my mouth with sweet syrup. I was beginning to despise the taste of cherries. “Because we’re spoiled, possessive, jealous…and we only like to share with each other.”

“We’ve been kind of losing our shit without you,” Rich admitted. “I’ve been right here.” And from my viewpoint, it looked like they’d been just fine. “It felt like you were on another planet.”

It was all too easy for them to shut me out. They hadn’t even tried. They just taunted me as usual until even that grew boring. The thick tension in the suite weighed my feet down, but eventually, I made it to my room. The last thing I saw before I shut myself inside was Rich’s bowed head, Loren’s tense shoulders, and Houston staring out the windows once more.

“Because that’s not how love works.” “How do you know when you’ve never been in love, Lo? Our only knowledge of it is what we’ve been told. It’s second-hand information.” “But have you thought about what happens when this gets out? Don’t kid yourself into thinking it won’t, and I’m not keeping Braxton a secret.” “Neither will I, but whose opinion are you so concerned about? Strangers we pass on the street? People we’ll never meet? Our families who don’t give a shit if we’re sad, much less if we’re happy? We get to define what true love is for ourselves. No one is entitled to do it for you. Once she’s mine, I’d never hurt her, neglect her, or let her forget that she’s the axis on which I spin. I can do the same with my best friends hanging around. We were already family, Lo. We built a career together. We share a house… We don’t even have separate bank accounts. What’s mine has always been yours. This world is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and the people in it would rather you be miserable as long as they’re comfortable. Why not carve out our own piece and be free to love how we choose?” Loren was quiet for a moment, staring at the wall ahead of him before muttering, “Maybe.”

“Check your phone.” It was all he said before he left the room. Ignoring him, I concentrated on picking up where my dream had left off. A moment later, I rolled my eyes when I heard Rich grabbing his phone from the nightstand. I was starting to drift off again when I heard his sheets rustling as he got out of bed. If she’s really gone, I’m going to wring her neck. “Get up,” Jericho ordered, confirming my worst fears. “Houston wasn’t fucking kidding. Check your texts.” Heart pounding, I frantically searched the sheets.

“Your five minutes are up,” I whined when he started ripping open his jeans. It was a weak attempt to resist him at best. “Not quite,” he said with a cocky twist of his lips before shoving his jeans down his thighs and revealing his thick and veiny cock. He was already leaking pre-cum at the tip. I let my gaze travel the length of him and knew I’d feel him long after he was done with me.

“Is all this for me, Miss Fawn?” Chuckling when I refused to answer him, he slipped his finger inside. “Maybe I won’t give you my dick,” he mused as he gently fingered me. “You’ve been a bad girl this morning.” Refusing to let him have all the power, I forced a smile to my lips. “If you won’t, they will. Either way, I’ll have some fun.” Never losing his infuriating smirk, Loren took his finger away. My legs immediately cradled him as he settled between my thighs, and then I felt this dick prodding my entrance when he whispered in my ear. “That won’t work anymore, baby fawn. We’ve decided you’re ours.” Slowly, he began to fill me, making my lips part as he stared into my eyes. He didn’t speak again until he reached the hilt, and we both released a low, satisfied sound. “All of ours.” Instantly, I was coming around his dick. “Aw, fuck,” Loren moaned under his breath. My pussy had locked him in a vice grip. “She’s coming, isn’t she?” Houston remarked. They’d been so silent until now I’d almost forgotten they were there. “I think she likes the idea of belonging to all of us,” Rich teased as he looked on.

Loren increased his tempo, and my fingers began ripping the grass from the ground in an attempt to hold on. “Answer me.” I tried. Every time my voice was cut short with a choked cry when he’d shove deeper inside of me. Loren was a remorseless fuck. He drew out my pleasure even when it caused me pain. I felt like I was being driven wild, trapped in the den they made for me. “Yes,” I managed to moan only when he finally let up. He was back to fucking me slow, but there was nothing gentle about it.

I have no idea what made Dani choose the short, purple wig for Braxton—or why it worked. I just knew with those expressive brown eyes and adorable freckles that she looked like a goddamn manga character. And now, all I could think about when I looked at her was the anime porn I used to watch as a kid.

“Like me.” “Nothing like you,” I denied vehemently. “We want you, Braxton, and we’ve been trying to make you see that.” “Have you?” “Yes.”

In an instant, I was in her face and trapping her against the wall of the museum. I didn’t care about the fact that we were standing in the middle of a potential mob. My heart was racing for other reasons. “I tell you I’m falling in love with you, and your answer is to let you go?” “My arm, Jericho. Let my arm go.” “Oh.”

“Good morning,” he whispered against my lips. On stage, Houston had the kind of voice that altered the construct of your soul. It changed you. In bed and heavy with sleep, however, he had a different kind of effect. The kind that made you do things you knew you shouldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Braxton.” “For?” I didn’t care how weak he made my knees. I’d return the favor by not making whatever he hoped to achieve easy for him. “For not realizing what I had before it was too late.”

For a third time, I was hit with an emotion I couldn’t define. Loren was first, then Rich, and finally Houston.

“And I treated you like a groupie instead of my future wife by fucking you on the ground without asking you to dinner first.”

He looked between my legs once Houston spread them and released a long, agonizing groan. “Fuck, that pussy is pretty.”

“Open your eyes,” he whispered against my lips. “It would be a shame if you missed anything.” Houston spread my legs even wider, and I could feel both of their lips on me now. I felt my bottom clench at the ramification, and giving a weak shake of my head, I kept them closed. I knew the image that would be waiting for me once I did. Loren and Rich weren’t taking turns anymore. Against my will, my eyes drifted open.

“Oh—” My words were cut off as I came hard watching them. I couldn’t tell where Loren’s mouth began, and Jericho’s ended. They were enjoying each other as much as they were enjoying me. And when the remnants of my orgasm trickled out of me, Loren eagerly lapped it up before turning his head and sharing with Jericho. I watched them kiss as if it was nothing they hadn’t done before, and just like that…another orgasm ripped through me.

I could say no to whatever was about to happen, but everyone in this room, including me, knew I wouldn’t. I wanted them to convince me. I wanted them to force my mind to finally let go. My heart and body were already on board.