Dark Horse (A Demon's Guide to the Afterlife, #1)

by Kel Carpenter

Hell is empty, And all the devils are here. — William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Boat-looking things. Folded sandwich? What the hell are these? “Tacos,” she said, giving me a weird look. “Jesus, you really are from up north. Don’t even know what a taco is,”

I closed my eyes and tried to remember all those anger management classes I’d taken in the Afterlife. Remember what Vlad the Impaler, my sponsor, had said. Count to ten. Then stab. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have picked one of the most notorious demons as my mentor.

I narrowed my eyes. “Doctors say a glass a day helps the heart.” Hades cocked his head mockingly. “A glass of wine, not a gallon of hard liquor.” Semantics.

“I think you mean our mate. Looks like you’re not the only one who got a second chance.”

“You do realize it’s only a few after nine in the morning, right?” “Liquid breakfast never hurt me before,” I said. Which was, in fact, true. Demon perk.

“Our lives must seem so fleeting to you,” I said softly, taking a closer look at the pieces in the room. “You step through them and take your piece, then carry on.” “Some might say I’m bringing them meaning by carrying on these artists’ legacies.” “By your argument, meaning is only found in death. If that were the case, living would be rather pointless.”

Anyway, can you be a window instead of a wall and step two feet to the left?”

“Don’t act so surprised to see me,” the crow muttered in annoyance. “This isn’t my surprised face,” I replied. “I was hoping you’d be roadkill by now, pigeon.” “I’m a bird. I don’t walk across the street. I would have to be supremely stupid to get hit by a car—” He broke off sharply at the look on my face. Yup. The insult had finally hit.

I haven’t been in pain for over a century, you hemorrhoid. I forgot what it feels like, but if you would. Just. Kill. Me, I could be back in a flash. No problem.

“Are you going to end the world?” She blew out a tight breath. “No.” She shook her head. “You are. I was sent here to stop you.”