A Vow of Hate (A Vow of Hate, #1)

by Lylah James

will break you, Julianna Romano.” You can’t break what’s already broken.

“Killian Spencer, do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in matrimony–” “I vow to spend the rest of my life making you regret what you did to Gracelynn.” “… To love her, to honor her, to comfort her, to cherish her…” “To hurt you, to break you… and to hate you for the rest of our days. I will never be your protector, never your defender; I vow to be the villain in your story.” “… And to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?” “In health and in sickness, through sorrow and pain, for all the days in my life, I will be your worst nightmare.”

“I think you are well aware of that and if you don’t know how it works, I can give you an anatomy lesson. Shall I prepare a PowerPoint? How to impregnate your wife, will be the title.”

Please. Don’t look at me so closely, for you’ll see my demons. My sins. My mistakes. My lies. My secrets.

“There’s a fine line between love and hate, Killian.”

I wanted Killian to move on – to fall in love again, with a woman who deserved him more than I did. But here I was, making stupid decisions that were only bringing us closer than putting distance between us. Though, the closer we got… The harder it became to protect my lies and my secrets.

I saw the torment in her eyes; eyes that looked so much like Gracelynn’s.

“Roses are beautiful, but their thorns can make you bleed,” I called out, approaching her from behind. “But you’d know that better than anyone, right?” She straightened, giving the flowers one last look before turning to me. “You won’t bleed if you don’t mess with them. That’s why you don’t pluck roses. Leave them be and they’ll stay beautiful, without causing any lasting harm.”

“Grace used to be scared of horses,” Killian said, his voice surprisingly soft. “You’re not.”

I cried because I knew… Killian wasn’t kissing me. He was kissing the woman in his dreams, a ghost of his past. I knew that, but I still kissed him back. I stole his kisses because I was greedy and selfish. So I took the kisses that didn’t belong to me because I was intoxicated by Killian.

tales. I thought that even though there was no prince charming in my story… or a happy ending, at least I had my Ragna.

sunk to the ground, my fingers clenching the grass where Ragna had stood, just mere seconds before. Her hooves had left imprints in the grass, the only proof that she existed, that she had been here. My Ragna.

To suffer in silence, to breathe through a broken heart – the kind of deep suffering that changes who you are from the inside. You become adrift, lost in a vast ocean of… nothingness. How could emptiness be so heavy?

It was the first time I had seen Julianna without her veil. Granted the black mask covered most of her face, except the right side of her lips and jaw… But it was still something. Her lips were full and soft, painted a deep red. Familiar.

My throat closed and I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. As I stared at the ghost in front of me. A single tear slid down her scarred cheek. She let out a tortured whimper, her hand slamming over her mouth to muffle the sound. My legs weakened, and I dropped to my knees. “Gracelynn.”

“You crashed into my life like a hurricane and you promised me forever. But you stole that forever from us,” he accused, his voice cracking at the end.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you again.” “I can’t promise that,” I whispered. “Because it doesn’t matter how hard I try, I can’t take you out of my heart. You’re so deep under my skin that you’ve burrowed yourself into a corner of my soul, Killian.”

“Hi,” I said, my eyes darting to my out-stretched hand and back to his dark gaze. “I’m Julianna. Nice to meet you.” Killian’s brows rose up in surprise. “Did I just fuck you into insanity?” “Your assholeness has no limits.” “Your audacity has no limits,” he shot back, before reaching out. To my utter delight, he grasped my hand in his. “Killian.” “Killian,” I breathed, his name rolling on my tongue. His hand squeezed mine. “What are you doing, Julianna?” “Re-writing our story.”

Little did she know… I never fell out of love with her. I still did love her. It was just that now, that love was stained with my hatred.

A piece of her soul died with her sister that night and in return, she killed me too.

I was in love with my wife. Recklessly and irrevocably in love with her. It was a mad, mad love – and sometimes, I worried that I might scare her away with how intense my feelings were for her.

My eyes caught his black wedding band and my chest filled with warmth at the sight of it. A week ago, Killian and I married again. It was a very small ceremony with only Emily, Stephen, William, Mirai, Selene and my father present. This time, instead of vows of hate … Killian spoke about his love for me. He vowed to love me, to protect me and to cherish me for the rest of our days.

“Julianna,” I started. “Hmm.” My heart thudded in my chest. “We are not Arabella and Elias or Sierra and Jonathan, or Camille and Lucas, or Mackenzie and Elliot.” The four tragic couple of this cursed castle. Julianna laced her fingers through mine, squeezing. “Fate had been cruel to us. I made choices that I’ve lived to regret. We both made mistakes. We had to fight for our happily ever after. In the end, I chose you. You chose me.” “We’re Julianna and Killian, and we deserve our happy ending,” I said to my wife. This wasn’t a pretty fairy tale. Our love story was messy and flawed – a twisted tale. But it was perfect in the most imperfect way.