A Vow of Hate (A Vow of Hate, #1)

by Lylah James

Like a wanton woman in need, I choked out his name in a moan, before I quickly captured my lips between my teeth. My eyes widened when I heard whispers and more voices in the corridor. They were far-away, but my heart practically hammered in my chest, almost like it was trying to break through the confines of my rib cage. Someone was coming. Not just one person. I could hear more than three different voices mingling together. Thud. My heartbeat echoed in my ears. Killian didn’t pull away. In fact, he showed no reaction except… His eyes flashed with something dark – with lust and mischief. Thud. Thud. His thumb worked my oversensitive clit, switching between pinching and caressing before rubbing his two finge...

“My, my. The idea of getting caught with my hand under your dress just made you even wetter. You like the id...

he rasped, his teeth grazing my ear. His thumb circled my clit faster, like he was desperate to force me over the edge. The sound of footsteps and the voices grew closer. Thud. Thud. Thud. My hips bucked into his hand, grinding and trying to chase my or...

“...

Another whimper spilled from my lips, this time louder. Killian slapped a hand over my mouth, smothering my moans. My eyes fluttered close as the tingles coursing through my body grew more intense. My legs quivered and I clenched my thigh around Killian’s hips. His erection dug harder into m...

“There’s a deviant, filthy woman hiding under all that proper a...

Killian growled in a low voice, the sound rumbling fr...

“And she’s al...

Killian pulled his hand from under my dress. While I was utterly transfixed by the sight of his brutally handsome face, his hand fell away from my mouth before he brushed his wet fingers over my swollen lips.

“Suck.”

It was one simple command, his voice gravelly and low. My lips parted and he pushed his two fingers into my mouth. I sucked, like he had commanded me to. The taste of me was musky and strange, but it was the utter filthiness of this situation that made my core clench again. As if one climax wasn’t enough. As if my body wanted more. My tongue swirled around his fingers before he pulled away with a low snarl. Like he had snapped. His mouth landed on mine, hard and bruising. He didn’t just kiss me. He devoured me, like a mad man. Like an obsessed man who had been denied this kiss for far too long. His tongue meeting mine in an erotic dance had me...

With each step he took toward me, I moved back. But he quickly erased the distance between us, pushing me into the wall behind me. The room still smelled of sex and our arousal, but it was his scent that engulfed me. Musky and earthy.

“You were in that car with her, I get it. You watched your sister die, I get it. It was traumatic for you, I get it. You suffered physically and mentally, and you’re guilt-ridden, I. Fucking. Get. It. But that doesn’t give you the right to play with me and my feelings, to deceive me or to make me mourn the woman I loved when she wasn’t even dead!”

His palm slapped over the wall beside my head and I flinched, hi...

“I’m s...

I whispered, so softly the words were barely audible. Killian pulled away quickly, as if I had burned him ...

“Did you even love me? Was anything that we had even real, Grace?”

He shook his head, smiling bitterly.

“Sorry, I mean… J...

“I didn’t fall in love ...

I whispered. His dark eyes flared and his chest rattled with a shuddering breath. The torment on his face killed me. It shattered whatever was left of my already broken heart. I dug my nail into my...

“I plummeted into chaos because your love was everything beautiful and pure, but my love was everything deceitful and destructive. So, I didn’t just fall in love with you, Killian. I crawled, on my knees, bleeding for you. So, it was real. ...

“I mourned you,”

he said, his voice breaking for the first time.

“You were right here, in front of me, while I was chasing a ghost. I fucking mourned you for three years, Julianna. How do you think I can… move past th...

“I told you… I told what I wanted,”

“I whispered things to you that I never spoke with anyone else. My fears, my dreams, my secrets. You knew what my parents’ marriage did to me. And you knew what I wanted for myself. Something real. But you walked into this marriage with lies and secrets…and FUCK!”

“You’re a deceitful woman and I can’t even fucking trust you anymore. No, goddamn it. I don’t even know if what ...

“...

“I crashed and burned for you,”

“And you left me there, bleeding. So cruelly. So mercilessly.”

“There’s a fine line between love and hate. And I just realized that I love you as much as I ...

“I thought you were just a mere storm, but you are the goddamn hurricane – fascinating but deceptive. Tempting but destructive. You’re pure chaos. Once upon a time, I would have gladly let myself be destroyed by you and counted it as a blessing, but now I want absolutely nothing to do with your martyrdom.”

“You were the thorn, Julianna. You always were,”

My Gracelynn was Julianna. Julianna was Gracelynn. The same woman who was scared of horses, who smiled at me so tenderly, who trusted me to guide her through her fears… I married the woman I loved through deceit. I mourned the woman I loved, when she wasn’t even fucking dead.

“I burn for you, Princess. But I’ll wait for you if it means finally having you in the way I desperately crave.”

“You’re a silver-tongued devil, Mr. Spencer.”

“You’re a devious temptress, M...

her scars did nothing to hinder her beauty. No one looked at the moon and thought of how bruised it was for the scarred moon’s beauty was more mesmerizing.

I grieved her. For three years. I mourned her. For three very long years. I carried my pain, turning my grief into an armor of rage. She killed my heart. She deceived my love. She turned us into a tragic tale. It was so unfair… That I still cared for Julianna. Because I was so goddamn weak for her. On my knees, bleeding for her. How was it possible to love and hate a person with the same passion?

It was in that moment that I realized just how weak I was for Julianna Spencer.

Because where there was no trust… there was no love. And I didn’t know if I would ever love her again, without loathing her to the same degree.

Was this what heartbreak felt like? The kind that kills you from the inside, wrenches your heart from your body and leaves it bleeding at your feet. The kind that feels like a slow, torturous death.

I’d rather his rage than his silence. Our love was cursed, to be told like a tragic tale of two lovers never coming together as one. Our story was one of melancholy and self-destruction. Sweet poison, with no real antidote.

Feeling numb and empty wasn’t really being empty on the inside. Humans are so used to chasing happiness and we like it, the pleasing and soft weight of it that envelops us. Happiness cocoons us within its warmth. Because it’s so familiar, we never notice the weight of it until it’s gone. When happiness is replaced with something else, it gives us the illusion that the comforting weight is gone. So now… we’re weightless. Empty.

While time was somehow infinite, we were just mere humans. We couldn’t go back in time, to change the past, to relive a moment… What had been lost in the past, it was gone.

I had to stop thinking about my wife. Her grey eyes. Her full lips that begged to be kissed. Had to stop thinking about how much I wanted to suck and bite on her delicate jaw and her slender throat, to leave my marks… and to paint her pale skin with my bruises. Had to stop wanting her – needing her. My dick throbbed at the thought and I shifted on the chair. Goddamn it.

Love made me weak. Weak for her.

Once she was naked, I gently placed her into the warm water. After making sure she wouldn’t slide under, I quickly got rid of my own clothing and got into the tub behind her. The water was almost too hot, but it was perfect for Julianna’s freezing body.

I sat in the tub with her until the water started to get cold. The water sluiced to the side when I stood up, with Julianna in my arms. I made quick work of wrapping a towel around her before carrying her to the bed. My gaze briefly darted to the fireplace and it appeared that someone had been smart enough to start the fire. The room was hotter than usual, but Julianna was still too cold for my liking. I climbed in bed beside her, tucking the comforter around us. Without really thinking about it, because I was acting on pure instinct, I curled my body around hers. And soon enough, with the help of the fire, two heavy comforters and my own body heat, Julianna’s skin started growing warmer. Her lips were no longer blue, but a pale color. Once she was warm, the shivering started. Her body practically rattled with the tremors, from head to toe. Her teeth clattered violently and Julianna whimpered. My chest squeezed when her eyelids fluttered open and she stared at me, eyes dazed and confused.