We ask each other these three questions: How was your last week? Did you feel supported by me? How can I support you in the coming week?
When you fill out this Relationship Contract, you should be honest, vulnerable, and willing to compromise. This is absolutely not a time to dwell on your partner’s shortcomings; nor is it the moment to make demands. The focus should not be transactional—“I’ll do the laundry if you’ll do the dishes”—but, rather, value-based—“We commit to supporting each other’s dreams and making the sacrifices necessary to enable those dreams.”
I’m a fan of the weekly Check-In Ritual, a short conversation in which you and your partner discuss what’s on your mind. The Relationship Contract helps you set the direction for your partnership—and the Check-In Ritual ensures that you keep it on track. Many couples are afraid to speak honestly about what they want, whether it’s about having kids, opening their relationship, or even ending it. All relationships have issues, and almost all of us feel awkward about bringing them up. The Relationship Contract and the Check-In Ritual are tools expressly designed to make it less awkward.
Just as important as the Check-In conversation is the ritual itself. Making this a consistent, recurring event takes advantage of a super-simple principle behavioral scientists often employ: If we put something on our calendar, and make it the default, we’re way more likely to actually do it.
