The Obsession

by Jesse Q. Sutanto

I knew the sort of loss she’d had, the hole it gouged in your entire being, so big and gaping you didn’t think you could possibly continue, while everybody else kept on living and expecting you to limp along like you didn’t just have a part of you ripped out. But I got it.

I liked dogs, especially big ones. I liked how they were always panting, like they couldn’t have enough of life and they had to gulp down every moment of it.

Sweet Jesus, if I could only punch myself in the face.

I was babbling. I was a train veering off the rails and I had to save it, steer myself back, or I was going to end in a massive crash.

I swung my foot out and tripped the lever. The car sagged to the floor with terrifying swiftness. Despite the loud music, I heard the crunch as three and a half thousand pounds of solid metal sank into Brandon, crushing his bones.

Finally! Well deserved cop bastard

I couldn’t believe that I’d finally done it, finally broken out of my frozen, terrified hamster state and killed the asshole.

This was proof that my love for her was real. I loved all of her, not just the soft, lovely side of her, but the hard, jagged one, too.

celebrate the fact that you survived. You deserve to live your best life, especially after everything you’ve been through.”

He had this way of looking at you, this sort of dark, intense expression that made you feel like you were the only girl in the whole entire world.

“You like the same band I do, you read the same books I do… Have you been stalking me?”

And she’d let me hold her hand like she was the Pope and I was one of the unwashed masses who had traveled halfway around the world to touch the hem of his robes.

Deep breaths. I wasn’t a freak. I just had a bit of difficulty controlling my impulses. But as long as I understood that about myself, I’d be fine. Perfectly fine.

“When you meet the love of your life, you know. It’s useless trying to pin any sort of logic to it. You might as well try to solve a calculus problem by chewing gum.

I had to keep reminding myself that whatever he said,

didn’t truly love me. His version of love was warped, corrupted.

maybe I wasn’t the snake after all, that maybe I was always doomed to be the rat. Always the prey, always one step behind.

All that mattered was making sure she was mine. Mine for eternity.